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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25567390">An Ikari in Equestria</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jsyrin/pseuds/Jsyrin'>Jsyrin</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rex_Lupin/pseuds/Rex_Lupin'>Rex_Lupin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>ToZverse [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition, ゼロの使い魔 | Zero no Tsukaima | The Familiar of Zero</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anthropomorphic Ponies (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic), Displaced, F/F, Futanari, Implied Sexual Content, Multi, Old Ghosts continue to haunt Jsyrin, Prank Wars, Reality changing shenanigans, Saving the world through the power of lesbian sex, Siesta did an oopsie, Slice of Life, Solving Plotlines Seasons Before They Even Appear, Tons of Innuendo, Trans Female Character, Trans Sombra, Twilight is Neurotic, Twilight is Sheltered, blatant sexual content</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:01:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>26,892</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25567390</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jsyrin/pseuds/Jsyrin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rex_Lupin/pseuds/Rex_Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Siesta's turn for an adventure! And unlike everyone else, this time it's actually a vacation, not a therapy trip disguised as a vacation.</p><p>Well, mostly.</p><p>Wait, why is she in fetish cosplay? And why is she at a convention?</p><p>She winds up in Equestria, right before the defeat of Discord the first time around.</p><p>Oh no.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Applejack/Rainbow Dash (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic), Fluttershy/Pinkie Pie (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic), Princess Luna/Trixie, Siesta/King Sombra, Siesta/Princess Luna, Siesta/Princess Luna/King Sombra/Trixie, Siesta/Princess Luna/Trixie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>ToZverse [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1625149</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Siesta is Bored</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>1)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Siesta what the fuck are you doing,” Tabris sighed. “What are you even wearing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A costume,” the cheeky maid replied. “Duh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yes, Tabris thought, it could certainly be... counted as a costume. Or it could be counted as... “That’s maido fetish gear,” he observed. “...Is that an actual tail?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta grinned. “I’m going to an anime convention!” she declared, eyes shining. “My costume is Tohru and she’s totally about 99% complete!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tabris had his head in his hands. “I don’t want to know what’s missing,” he groaned, “I don’t want to know what’s missing...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, some random little detail I’m sure I can find at the convention,” Siesta replied confidently. “It’s practically </span>
  <em>
    <span>guaranteed</span>
  </em>
  <span> at this trope!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tabris </span>
  <em>
    <span>stared.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “...You know what, I don’t want to know. Just... go to your convention yourself. You’re perfectly capable. Why did you even come to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta Ikari shrugged, twirling around in her leather maid costume, complete with slitted eyes, curving horns hidden under her hair, and a thick green tail swaying behind her. Her ensemble was tied together with a white headdress and black leather high-heel boots.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And now you spent a paragraph describing your fetish gear,” Tabris observed. “What am I, a fucking Audience Surrogate?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Basically,” Siesta grinned. “Sorry Uncle Tabris, you can go back to fucking Alt-Grandpa again tho~” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Riiiiiight,” Tabris noted. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go be somewhere else now.” He walked behind a stick and out of the scene.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta giggled to herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a swirl of her costume and a flip of her hair, Siesta idly pulled up a booklet of spells- really, it was mostly just the lyrics to various Rammstein songs that, honestly, weren’t even necessary for her to make a portal… buuuuut it was easier to do the spell if she had something to focus on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm…. what song lyrics do I sing to get to the convention… I wonder if there’s any songs about horses?” Siesta muttered, idly paging through the booklet and tilting her head curiously. “And I wonder what world I’ll be thrown into…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused. “You know, I’m going to be breaking convention anyway, in more ways than one... Where’s my... Aha!” Siesta pulled out another booklet of lyrics, flipping through it. “If you want to break convention, go Russian,” She murmured. “Here we are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She started singing, softly, very, very softly...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Выйду ночью в поле с конём... </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ночкой тёмной тихо пойдём! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Мы пойдём с конём по полю вдвоём, </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Мы пойдём с конём по полю вдвоём..."</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And she stepped behind a pillar, around it, and back out from a whole new world.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, 2017,” she sighed. “A whole different age...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five minutes and a few forged badges later, Siesta stepped into the convention center proper and… was immediately kind of underwhelmed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To be fair, there were a lot of pretty ladies dressed in skimpy cosplay doing photoshoots in scenic parts of the center, but most of the people at ComicCon were… sweaty nerds trying not to die from being exposed to the summer heat in the middle of San Diego.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Also everything that wasn’t in the Artist Alley was massively overpriced and of exceedingly cheap quality. But oh well, that wasn’t why she was there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, she was looking for someone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Someone… </span>
  <em>
    <span>special.</span>
  </em>
  <span> In more ways than one, really.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Someone with a specific look, with a specific attitude, and with a specific, shady nature that was all but impossible to miss if one was looking in the right place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A shadowy little shitlord who was technically supposedly powerful enough to destroy a good section of the greater universe cluster that existed in the vague space between spaces, but was also… well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>An idiot. And also mostly irrelevant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eenie, meenie, miney... you.” Siesta stopped next to a stall full of what seemed to be handcrafted objects in a large variety, but oddly enough very few customers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Slow day?” she inquired of the man behind the stall, wearing what was probably an ironic Dr. Facilier costume, looking grumpy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As hell,” the man grumbled. “I thought I had struck gold getting this stall here, where people usually come to rest their legs. Gold! Ha! Struck asbestos, more like. Would you like to sample my wares, young miss?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m hardly young for a dragon,” Siesta protested, amusement twinkling in her eyes. “I have at </span>
  <em>
    <span>least</span>
  </em>
  <span> a couple of centuries on me, you know!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think you’ve gotten a few details wrong,” the man observed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s an AU or something,” Siesta disagreed. “I’ll persevere.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Riiiiiight,” the stall owner drawled. “At least wear a tie... I think I have one around here...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think we know how this song and dance goes already,” Siesta muttered almost sarcastically, rolling her eyes as she handed over the requisite five bucks to cover the tie, then clipped it on and-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See you on the other side, Siesta,” the shadowy bastard saluted jauntily as Siesta fell back into a cotton candy flavored portal made entirely out of the lyrics to the national anthem of the USSR. “And tell my old master hello for me, why don’tcha?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta didn’t even want to know what kind of mathematics would go into making a portal like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> but she let herself fall nonetheless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe Uriel would like to figure it out,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she wondered as darkness claimed her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta awoke on a checkered plain, in a small lull in the chaotic environment around her. She felt... </span>
  <em>
    <span>different,</span>
  </em>
  <span> in a way that she couldn’t put her finger on at first. Then she dug deeper into her Core and rolled her eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, at least I got an Angel-size form for myself now,” she snarked. “What else did he change around?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I changed your natural hair color, if you absolutely must know. Modified your energy output, tweaked a few inefficiencies, ported DOOM (1993) into the bio-digital software making up your soul and played through on Ultra Nightmare mode…” the shadowy bastard paused and had the decency to blush as he looked away. “... that was a lie, I didn’t make it past the first level. Anyway, congratulations, your first major patch to the family Network enables Angels to now play DOOM with their very souls. Have fun dicking around in anthro horse world or whatever. I dunno, I don’t really choose the destinations anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, I had </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> to figure it all out myself,” Siesta grumbled. “Thanks for nothing, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Umbra.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, sweet sarcasm, how I missed thine bitter words,” Umbra shot back, rolling his eyes before snapping his fingers and dumping Siesta on her ass in the middle of a thick, wild forest. “Thanks for the five bucks, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Siesta</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without another word, the bastard vanished and left Siesta all alone, save for the endless sounds of wildlife chittering and squawking and hissing through the jungle-like woods around her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could have </span>
  <em>
    <span>sworn</span>
  </em>
  <span> this was a plain five minutes ago,” Siesta noted. “This is a bit </span>
  <em>
    <span>too </span>
  </em>
  <span>chaotic at this point. Where even am I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She walked forward and the jungle around her melted into a twisting medieval cityscape into a beach by a raging sea into the same checkered plain she’d seen before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In only a few steps.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay this isn’t normal,” she deduced brilliantly. “Hush, narration.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She walked forward again, watching the world melt from one environment to another. It’s like the world was... out of alignment? Still malleable? Varied in upper spatial dimensions? None of those felt right...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Huffing, Siesta snapped out her Absolute Territory, pressing it down on the world and enforcing her Will on it, overriding the chaos. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...huh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without the chaotic environment, the world was still... </span>
  <em>
    <span>vibrant.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Too vibrant. Did she detect a hint of pastel? Fascinating. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>new</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” came a strange voice all around Siesta, the shape of some kind of horrible chimeric mishmash of animals coming into view as it swirled around her. Strangely enough, the horrible creature seemed perfectly at home with the chaotic environment, and seemed actively repulsed by the bubble of reality enforced by Siesta’s soul. “And you’re… what are you, a hairless monkey pretending to be a dragon?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The term is ‘human’,” Siesta shot back. “What are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you,</span>
  </em>
  <span> a chimera pretending to be a Ryuu?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, you’re a feisty one~!” the strange being shot back, grinning wolfishly as he plucked a cloud from the sky and ate it like a wad of cotton candy. “Just for that I might not turn you into a suitably ironic work of art mounted on my wall.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you even capable of it?” Siesta asked. “I can tell that you are repulsed by the Light of my Soul. Who are you to make such claims anyway?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Honey, the only thing I’m repulsed by is how ugly your soul is,” the being immediately huffed, ruffling a suit that hadn’t been there before as he floated upside down and grinned, a crooked snaggletooth dangling from one side of his mouth. “As for who I am… You can call me Discord, king of the world and all that good stuff.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Has the world always been so annoyingly malleable,” Siesta drawled, “Or is that a recent development?” She coughed. “‘scuse my snark, you highness. My name is Siesta Ikari. How may I help you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh ho, helpful little lass aren’t you?” The chaotic king laughed, continuing to circle around Siesta and prod the bubble of her AT Field for a few seconds. “No no, this world was exactly as you see it in that disgustingly drab bubble- boring and normal, following all sorts of dumb </span>
  <em>
    <span>rules</span>
  </em>
  <span> like physics and logic- </span>
  <em>
    <span>blech!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Can you </span>
  <em>
    <span>believe</span>
  </em>
  <span> how annoying it is to be the ultimate expression of all things chaos and fun in a world that doesn’t even have cotton candy clouds and chocolate milk rain? So of course- I, my magnificent self, made a few changes. It’s so much nicer now, don’t you think?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta looked around. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her eyes slid across a mishmash of different factors, variables, and environments, all in a chaotic dance that, if she was being fair, did have a certain aesthetic quality to it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She frowned and dug deeper.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Within her were two wolves, except no there weren’t because that was a stupid meme.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her Angelic nature, the one which came with her Identity as an Angel of the Fourth Heaven, declared her surroundings to be a senseless mishmash with no rhyme or reason.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The </span>
  <em>
    <span>other</span>
  </em>
  <span> nature, however, the one that was ‘bestowed’ upon her by Umbra or whatever his name was, was under the identifier of a ‘Chaos Dragon’, and found the environment to be quite pleasant to be in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hrm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am of two minds about it,” she finally said. “Honestly, if you don’t mind, I’ll keep my Soul up either way until I figure out which mind should prevail.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well hurry up with it if you’d please, the stench of all that order and self imposed righteousness is giving me a headache,” Discord huffed, popping off his head and stuffing a few ice cubes into it before rattling the entire thing out and pouring the resultant mix into a tall cocktail glass that he then proceeded to drink once his head was on again… backwards.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Crossing her arms, Siesta narrowed her eyes. She then reached back inside herself and realigned her Absolute Territory to match the Chaos Dragon entity, mostly to see what </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> would do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... I suppose you’ve made up your mind then,” Discord deadpanned idly as the entire area around them didn’t so much as </span>
  <em>
    <span>explode</span>
  </em>
  <span> as it did </span>
  <em>
    <span>revert to primordial elemental chaos</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Y’know, as much as I appreciate the primordial chaos, I think it’s a bit… </span>
  <em>
    <span>much</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t you think?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The draconequus immediately put on a pair of oversized sunglasses, shaking his head and snapping his fingers a few times to gently drop the previous background back into place much like one would drag in a different png file in a photo editing software of some sort, complete with all the little boxes and dotted lines. “Ahh, much better. See, the old chaos was nice and all, but it was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>tacky, </span>
  </em>
  <span>y’know? So much nicer to have this- more stuff to do, more people to terrorize, more candy to snack on and all that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta looked at the mess of colors that was the </span>
  <em>
    <span>new</span>
  </em>
  <span> Chaos, and raised an eyebrow. “Are you honestly trying to tell me that this new reality is </span>
  <em>
    <span>less</span>
  </em>
  <span> tacky, your Highness?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s a difference between staring into a kaleidoscope of Dayglo and neon tacky and kitschy randomness tacky,” Discord huffed, as if Siesta spoke words that she didn’t understand- or more like some asshole judge in a fashion competition or something. “The difference being that I like my candy clouds, and this at least doesn’t sear your retinas with gamma radiation. Nasty stuff, that. Not that it’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>kill me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but it has such a nasty aftertaste, y’know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He snapped again, forming a golden throne to sit upon and a slightly smaller pile of throw pillows for Siesta. “Aaaaanyway, let’s cut to the chase- You’ve got about two options here in the near future as outlined by a mutual shadowy friend who I had to block on Horsebook about a thousand years ago for poking me a whole bunch and generally being a smug jerk, but I digress. Option one: you and I reign in chaos for as long as we want, doing whatever we want and with no one to stop us. Oooor-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Discord paused for dramatic effect as the sun and moon suddenly both rose at the same time on opposite sides of the sky, casting the world into a brilliant, beautiful twilight as the two celestial bodies cast their light and power across the sky.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You let the killjoy princesses take back control of the land and spend the next thousand years as a statue or some boring garbage. Alternatively, option three is you try and kill me and endear yourselves to the warmongers over there buuuuut eh. That one’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>boring</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s this land’s anime called?” Siesta asked curiously. “...and on that note, how’s the fate thing around here - enforced, freeform...?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic,” Discord immediately deadpanned, looking as if he’d bitten into a sour lemon at the thought of saying those words out loud. “And as for </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fate</span>
  </em>
  <span>… eh. Little bit of both. Archaic, really, but even I can’t change </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> aspect of the world. Much as I’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>like</span>
  </em>
  <span> to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta took a </span>
  <em>
    <span>deep</span>
  </em>
  <span> breath. “You know what, sure, let’s rule together. But when, yes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>when</span>
  </em>
  <span> we end up getting taken down, I reserve the right to say ‘I told you so’. Kay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great!” Discord clapped gleefully- not sarcastically for once, but with an actual sense that he was genuinely happy for the first time in a while. He snapped his fingers, turning their pair of seats into a pair of thrones, right in time for a pair of figures to slam down before the two of them and-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Discord?” Siesta asked, leaning over to stage whisper at said draconequus, who seemed just as flabbergasted as she was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought you said this was a place full of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ponies</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Siesta continued stage whispering, heedless of the pair of sisters staring at them with divine wrath and rainbows rippling around them. “Those two are clearly anthropomorphic- also, </span>
  <em>
    <span>why the fuck are their tits so big!?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay one: I have no idea. Two: Like you have any room to talk,” Discord immediately responded, pointing down at Siesta’s chest with a clawed finger. “I swear they were actual equines a few seconds ag- Wait, did you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Y’know what, let’s not go into that right now,” Siesta sighed, then turned back to the confused embodiments of sun and moon with a deadpan glare. “Alright, the fuck do you two want?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We care not what foul creatures you have dug from the dawn of time, Discord,” the shorter of them growled, “but thine reign of terror ends here and now!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you’ve used that same speech a dozen times Lulu-hon, it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> last millennia!” Discord immediately laughed, flopping his hand dismissively at the blue horse lady, while the white horse lady just stepped forward and-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Discord, should we be worried about the rainbow necklaces or-?” Siesta asked, watching nervously as said necklaces began to glow brighter and brighter with every passing second. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Er- y’know-“ Discord actually paused for a moment, then snapped his fingers and vanished into thin air. “I’ll let you handle this!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mother </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucker</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Siesta growled, palming her face as the two sisters immediately began looking around frantically as if to try and find the chaotic king before re-focusing on her with… rather less rainbow glowing this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And a lot more “beat her ass into the ground” energy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m starting to think… that maybe, just </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe…</span>
  </em>
  <span> that rat bastard decided to screw me over,” Siesta muttered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She crossed her arms, spreading her Absolute Territory, before reconsidering and expanding it to even </span>
  <em>
    <span>greater</span>
  </em>
  <span> proportions, assuming her massive Angelic Draconic form in the process.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then come at me,” she spoke gravely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta would have liked to have said that the fight was epic and grand, two hardened warriors battling against a dragon ten times their size, lasers flying everywhere as explosions dotted the landscape and turned twilight into burning daylight, with craters and blood and shouting and beam clashes and all that good shonen anime kind of fun. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, Siesta hadn’t ever been in a real fight literally ever, her dragon form was completely untested and she had no idea how to control it… and she was pretty much immediately turned into a conscious stone statue after about five minutes of panicked flailing, half-assed teleports, and a few doom lasers that didn’t do anything except pockmark the already fucked up landscape.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta sighed, groaning and grumbling as the two sisters flew off into the distance, hours and hours and hours passing by until slowly, surely, the landscape </span>
  <em>
    <span>shifted</span>
  </em>
  <span> and left Siesta… sitting there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the ruins of what used to be a small town near the foot of a large mountain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unable to move.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Staring straight forward at not even anything interesting, just a patch of trees that still looked kinda fucked up even after what she assumed was Discord’s defeat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“God fucking dammit.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Luna Wears Evil Well</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The first thing Siesta figured out was that the Network was either down - extremely unlikely - or she was out of sync with it. Needless to say, that was bad news. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The second thing she figured out was that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>still enforce an Absolute Territory, but for whatever reason not to untangle herself from, yknow, being a goddamn statue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The third thing she figured out was that she could still </span>
  <em>
    <span>think, </span>
  </em>
  <span>which meant she could still </span>
  <em>
    <span>exist. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Okay, no. Descartes aside, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>thought </span>
  </em>
  <span>she had a theoretical capability to get herself out of the situation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Extremely theoretical. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With no access to the Family Network and a specialisation in transport, she could </span>
  <em>
    <span>probably </span>
  </em>
  <span>figure out how to, essentially, cast Stone to Flesh. All she had to do was derive it from first principles... that she had no idea what those were. She was a transportation Angel! Sue her! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All she had were her wit and her thoughts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hoped it would be enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With all the frantic struggling and mental bashing of a college student with five minutes left on an exam she didn’t study for, Siesta immediately began calculating variables, throwing as much of her expertise with how she already knew particles moved into trying to work backwards from the very fundamentals of the universe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately… she was a transport specialist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which meant that she had to check, triple check, quadruple check, quintuple check her calculations over and over and over and over and over and over and-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey wait, is that a town? Dammit! I lost the thread!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-stare out at the town forming around her statued body and continue staring and staring and staring and staring and watching endlessly as the anthropomorphic ponies did normal townspeople things like live and laugh and-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oi get a room you two! That’s fucking indecent!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-use the power of her soul to make an area of bad vibes around her statue plaza at night so horny teen couples wouldn’t start </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking on top of her body jesus fuck come </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>on</em>
  </b>
  <b>-</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Wait has the moon always had that horse picture on it or am I just dumb? Wait </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>shit!</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-and then have to re-do her calculations </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span> because for some god forsaken reason she’d managed to not upgrade her think-meats in a long enough period of time that she apparently forgot to install the parallel processing patch and god </span>
  <em>
    <span>dammit</span>
  </em>
  <span> she had to start over </span>
  <em>
    <span>again!?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Come the fuck on-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Give me a fucking break already! I don’t even want revenge on that big tittied sun bitch and her hot goth little sister anymore! I just wanna pee!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-and then finally get back on track and figure out how to do basic chemistry again and then build from there using her thankfully untouched Core as a small supercollider in order to simulate particle physics in a usable macro scale and check over and over and over as she slowly chipped away at the problem day in and day out, week in and week out, month in and month out-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Stop probing me what the </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>fuck!? GODDAMMIT I DROPPED THE THREAD AGAIN!”</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-Scare away the asshole scientists that came down from that gaudy fucking sun palace and- wait hang on how long had she been sitting there?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“A thousand fuckin’ years!? What the fuck!? How the hell is my processing speed that shit that I still haven’t managed to perfect stone to flesh in almost a thousand goddamn years!?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>then, </span>
  </em>
  <span>at last, </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally, </span>
  </em>
  <span>after exactly 1025 years (and she felt a sudden irrational need to smack someone for that number), she </span>
  <em>
    <span>figured it out. </span>
  </em>
  <span>And cast it immediately before she could drop the thread again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She rose, shaking flakes of extra stone from around her, looking up at the calm night sky. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh hey, the horse picture is gone, </span>
  </em>
  <span>her scatterbrained mind supplied. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Amidst her realization of said moon horse picture being gone, Siesta idly noted the sound of panicked screaming and-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, when did this tree get here?” Siesta asked herself, tromping over to said tree as she shifted back into her human form and peered inside the windows. “Oh hey! It’s a library! Neat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused. “...wait, did I hear screaming...?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Siesta looked around, she spotted the source of the screaming- namely, a bunch of terrified townspeople running about and trying to get away from… something. Probably </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>, considering she was a massive dragon a few moments ago. Actually…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta turned back to where she’d been more or less entombed for a little over a millennia, paused, and stared at the plaque adorning the pedestal that had apparently been placed under her without her noticing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>shitting</span>
  </em>
  <span> me!?” Siesta screeched, stomping over to the plaque incredulously, balling her hands up in her hair and groaning loudly. “Khaos the Destroyer!? Really!? That’s the fucking name they came up with!? What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck!?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She waved her hands incredulously. "I didn't even </span>
  <em>
    <span>destroy </span>
  </em>
  <span>anything! Well apart from bits of the landscape I guess but </span>
  <em>
    <span>seriously? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Who came </span>
  <em>
    <span>up</span>
  </em>
  <span> with this bullshit!?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sadly, no answer was forthcoming, given that the townspeople were too terrified of her presence to really say anything, and also- </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wait. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Who the fuck was that leggy piece of ass she could sense in those woods and why did she feel like that cute goth princess from a thousand years ago but like… evil?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta pondered that thought for a moment. Did the cute goth go evil? Oooh, what would an evil cute goth look like?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mind made up, she headed straight into the woods.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Huh. These woods were a lot thicker than she remembered them being a thousand years ago… Weird. Maybe the amount of magic she blasted around back then had some weird effects once the forest started growing?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whatever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta just shrugged as she continued along, skipping and humming as she made a beeline directly towards where she could feel said cute evil goth lurking in some kind of rundown castle. She completely ignored the six other people in the woods, since she really didn’t give a shit about a bunch of lost idiot college girls or whatever, and one of them was </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> whiny sounding so she wanted to deal with </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> even less.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Feeling a bit of whimsy, she knocked on the castle door. "Hello~! Room service!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Immediately, the castle doors flung open as an icy cold hand of wind and magic wrapped around Siesta, clutching her tight enough that it almost felt like one of Zeruel’s hugs as the room beyond the doors came into view- a dusty ruin of a once great keep, overgrown with plants and now bearing a swirling tornado of pure starlight in the center-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wait no, that was just a fancy teleport effect.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The tornado faded moments later, revealing…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A black furred anthro pony who looked a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> like that cute sorta goth looking princess from way back when, but also like. Taller and way more emo. And also evil.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And wearing what basically amounted to an armored bikini with some pauldrons and faulds that did nothing to protect her crotch, as well as gauntlets and greaves and-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Are you seriously wearing knee high armored stiletto heels?” Siesta asked incredulously, staring at the surprisingly hot evil emo/goth lady with an expression that was one part disbelief and three parts horny because her titties were </span>
  <em>
    <span>right there</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “I mean, you’re hot and all, but you look like you’re more about to go have a cosplay orgy, not… er. Whatever evil plot it is that you’re trying to do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As if you’re one to talk, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Khaos,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” the hot evil goth lady hissed. “You look like a Prench Maid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, one: That’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> my name. My </span>
  <em>
    <span>name</span>
  </em>
  <span> is Siesta Ikari, and of </span>
  <em>
    <span>course</span>
  </em>
  <span> I look like a maid! That’s what this costume is supposed to be!” Siesta huffed petulantly, sticking her tongue out at the evil goth lady, then continued on. “Also, what’s your name anyway because I’ve just been calling you hot evil goth lady in my head for like the last five minutes when I wasn’t just staring at your tits. Seriously, aren’t you </span>
  <em>
    <span>cold</span>
  </em>
  <span>? You’re practically naked!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Your admiration of my form... It pleases me," The hot evil goth lady declared. "As for who I am - I am the purveyor of the night! I am the one </span>
  <em>
    <span>true </span>
  </em>
  <span>Queen of this world! I! Am </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nightmare Moon!" </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta </span>
  <em>
    <span>stared. </span>
  </em>
  <span>"No offense," she offered, "but you sound just as egotistical as my sister-cousin Zeruel." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nightmare Moon immediately sputtered and took a step back, completely </span>
  <em>
    <span>appalled</span>
  </em>
  <span> at Siesta’s lack of respect. “Wh- how </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare</span>
  </em>
  <span> you compare me to lesser beings!? I am the one who brings the very Night upon this world, and I will not take lip from a pathetic weakling like you, who could not even harm me even at my weakest a thousand years ago!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She continued on in that vein for a while- shouting insults and threats at Siesta, who tuned said words out completely in favor of watching certain parts of the “true Queen” jiggle and bounce enticingly with every furious motion as Nightmare Moon gesticulated and waved her hands about and-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Die!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Siesta blinked as the last word finally registered, now fully aware of Nightmare Moon charging up some kind of really deadly looking laser on her horn and in her hands. “Oh, I kinda tuned all that out, didn’t I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look,” she offered when the laser splashed harmlessly off of her AT-Field, “In my defense I was in a completely untested form back then, kind of too panicked to properly use my Absolute Territory, and basically left to the wolves by Discord.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She dodged another beam. “Also, why do you assume my family is anywhere near the </span>
  <em>
    <span>lesser being</span>
  </em>
  <span> spectrum? There are </span>
  <em>
    <span>Progenitor Gods</span>
  </em>
  <span> on the tree for fuck’s sake!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She walked around a pillar and out of Nightmare Moon’s hair as the pillar was smashed to bits. “Honestly, I don’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> I was thinking, taking you both on as the dragon,” she mused as the ‘Queen’ screeched in impotent rage. “Maybe I was caught up in the hype of having a combat form?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stay- </span>
  <em>
    <span>STILL!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Nightmare Moon roared, charging up a massive blast that eradicated the tower around them. Siesta walked out of the door and back out of the... mare’s? shadow, neatly sidestepping the entire blast.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I spent one thousand and twenty five years staying still,” Siesta countered. “I say nah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>doing</span>
  </em>
  <span> that!?” Nightmare Moon raged, clutching Siesta once more in a coil of starry mist that looked like it came from her own ephemeral hair, glaring at Siesta with all the force of a thousand suns. “You have no horn with which to use magic in such a manner, your movement belies no trail to follow, no flash of mana, not even a whisper of sound! What trickery is this!?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta shrugged the hold off, smirking ever so slightly. “Sixteenth dimensional Soul Mechanics. I can use magic, but I’m absolutely pants at that, but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> specifically configured towards dimensional transportation, soooooo...” She shrugged again, dodging another blast. ”Anyway, what’s a cutie like you doing in a place like this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That</span>
  </em>
  <span> got the would-be tyrant to pause, immediately halting her attacks as a luminous bluish pink blush spread across her almost pitch black… fur? Coat? Siesta idly made a note to look up the proper term at some point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wh- are you seriously flirting with me while I’m trying to kill you!?” Nightmare Moon spluttered, pointing accusingly at Siesta and trying to hide her blush behind wisps of her ephemeral hair… which failed to work, seeing as said hair was entirely translucent and only really cast more light on said blush.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My great-grandma considers end-of-the-world scenarios </span>
  <em>
    <span>foreplay,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Siesta deadpanned. “Honestly, a bit of lethal flirting is the </span>
  <em>
    <span>least</span>
  </em>
  <span> weird thing about me </span>
  <em>
    <span>or</span>
  </em>
  <span> my family...” She paused, taking in the mare’s expression. “Is it working, by the way?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... No. But keep going. Your compliments </span>
  <em>
    <span>amuse</span>
  </em>
  <span> me,” Nightmare Moon drawled, snorting and crossing her arms at Siesta before immediately firing another laser- weaker, this time, only just enough to scorch the bark of a nearby tree instead of actually blowing it up entirely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shrugging again, Siesta once again walked past a tree and right behind the Nightmare, before cupping the mare’s breasts approvingly. “Those are some </span>
  <em>
    <span>amazing</span>
  </em>
  <span> tits, by the way,” she offered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nightmare Moon </span>
  <em>
    <span>squeaked</span>
  </em>
  <span>, blushing even brighter as she froze up from Siesta’s extremely forward actions, unable to formulate a response beyond incoherent sputtering and vaguely offended noises. She immediately faded into mist before appearing a short distance away, further into the even more ruined than usual castle, arms crossed protectively in front of her chest with a blush bright enough that it almost outshone her own glowing hair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta just looked down at her hands, then over at Nightmare Moon, then back at her hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I think you forgot something,” Siesta called out, holding up the metallic cups that had been covering the mare’s chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nightmare Moon </span>
  <em>
    <span>shrieked</span>
  </em>
  <span> and somehow got even redder. “G-give those back!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aww, but you look better without them~” Siesta teased, chuckling as she tossed the armor pieces back and stepped out from behind Nightmare Moon again, running her hands along the mare’s thighs and squeezing them. “In fact, all this armor would look much better on the floor~”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“T-this is entirely inappropriate!” the mare stammered. “D-don’t you d-dare stop!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh don’t worry, I’m only just getting started~” Siesta purred, winking as she squeezed Nightmare Moon’s hips and teleported them both to parts unknown to common decency but could charitably be described as the closest bedroom.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Twilight Is Embarrassed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“... Is it just me, or has there been a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> of screaming up ahead?” Rainbow Dash asked, gulping slightly and shuffling a bit as she tried not to look scared in front of everyone else. “Like… a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> of screaming.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not just you, Dashie!” Pinkie Pie giggled. “Oooh, I kinda wanna join them...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Pinkie!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Rarity snapped, sounding scandalized. “You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to start screaming in the middle of the forest, or I will </span>
  <em>
    <span>personally</span>
  </em>
  <span> murder you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pink-toned mare shrugged. “Eh... I’d need a partner for this kind of screaming anyway.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rarity paused, then immediately flushed bright red as she processed what Pinkie was implying, thankfully far too scandalized now to say anything beyond indignant sputtering. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Applejack, on the other hand, simply guffawed at Pinkie’s joke, then blinked as her ear quirked in response to yet </span>
  <em>
    <span>another</span>
  </em>
  <span> scream echoing through the woods right as they reached a clearing that </span>
  <em>
    <span>used</span>
  </em>
  <span> to house the old ruins of a castle and only now had the blasted ruins of some kind of monument holding six stone orbs, the rest of the castle long since destroyed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, other than the small room near the other side of the clearing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The one which very, </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> inappropriate sounds were emanating from.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The one which screams were echoing out of loud enough to hurt their ears even several hundred feet away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fluttershy gulped, hiding behind Rainbow Dash and looking somewhere between a mix of terrified and horrifically embarrassed. Rainbow Dash seemed much the same, though less terrified and more annoyed at how </span>
  <em>
    <span>loud</span>
  </em>
  <span> the screams were now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight Sparkle coughed quietly into her hand, biting back her own blush as she walked up to the monument and beckoned for everyone to follow her. “Well… these </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be connected to the Elements of Harmony </span>
  <em>
    <span>somehow</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I just… don’t have any idea how. I’d say we should split up and search the area but that’s… kind of nonviable now, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel like we should leave, ah... </span>
  <em>
    <span>whoever</span>
  </em>
  <span> is in there to their privacy,” Rarity muttered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight nodded slowly, then bit her lip and stared at the room. “... We still don’t know where Nightmare Moon is. And if we don’t get Princess Celestia back, we’re going to be stuck in eternal night time forever. So… we… really need to figure out how we’re going to retrieve the Elements of Harmony, otherwise we can’t do </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we just bang the rocks together and see what happens?” Applejack asked. “And Ah can’t believe I’m talking like </span>
  <em>
    <span>Rainbow Dash</span>
  </em>
  <span> right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Somehow, I don’t think that will work,” Twilight muttered dryly, then rolled her eyes and lit up her horn as she picked up two of the orbs and knocked them against each other anyway, just to see if it </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> do anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which, predictably, it didn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Well, that went as expected. Now what?” Rarity asked, tilting her head thoughtfully and flicking the ragged mess that was once her lustrous and shimmering tail, frowning and wincing a bit at the strange sensation of it being nearly all gone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Well, according to the legend, the Elements of Harmony each represent one of the core tenets of the old phrase ‘Friendship is Magic’- those being, Honesty, Loyalty, Generosity, Laughter, Kindness, and then the spark that binds them,” Twilight shrugged, turning to face the rest of the group and tapping her hoof against the ground as she held her chin. “I’ll be completely honest with you, though, I have no clue what on Equestria could possibly be that spark.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe friendship?” Fluttershy offered quietly, peeking from between her bangs. She shrank back from the sudden attention on her. “I-I’m sorry, it just... seemed... obvious...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No no, don’t apologize. That </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> be the obvious answer in any other case but something’s not lining up here- the spark that binds the elements together can’t just be Friendship since the elements are what </span>
  <em>
    <span>makes</span>
  </em>
  <span> Friendship. So… what could it possibly be…?” Twilight murmured, then tilted her head and floated an orb over to each of the other mares standing around. “Okay, I have a hypothesis to test. Everyone grab a rock, I’m gonna try to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Magic</span>
  </em>
  <span> the Elements into work- by the Sun’s tits!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight’s shocked exclamation came with a burst of light as she picked the final orb, all six stones glowing brightly in a rainbow of colors around her and her newfound friends. Magenta and violet for Twilight, cyan and red for Rainbow Dash, yellow and teal for Fluttershy, white and purple for Rarity, orange and green for Applejack, and two different shades of pink for Pinkie Pie- all of them glowing in a corona of magic and light as the stones pulsed and thrummed with ancient power, rippling and shining as their gray surfaces became polished gemstone, then shattered into thousands of shards before reforming in yet another flash of light and a howl of wind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then- it stopped.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight and company found themselves untouched, save for new pieces of jewelry around their bodies- All of them now had bracelets and anklets of solid gold, necklaces and earrings in the shapes and colors of their cutie marks, and most importantly, crowns, tiaras, and circlets made of the same golden material, studded with a gem in the center matching their cutie marks and each thrumming with so much power it was like a flood.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Except for Pinkie, who had a slick tophat absolutely covered in delicate golden embroidery.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight didn’t want to think about how that happened.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rainbow pumped her fist. “Aw yeah, Elements get! Now to deal with Nightmare Moon!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Darling,” Rarity pointed out, “If we’re right and that is indeed Nightmare Moon in there... Well... How do I put it...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Coitus Interruptus is a dick move!” Pinkie chirped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is awkward,” Fluttershy muttered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Should we knock?” Applejack inquired.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should um…” Twilight paused and swallowed thickly as one final scream rang out, then fell silent. “... Maybe now we can knock…?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Immediately after Twilight spoke, the door to the shack opened, allowing… some kind of… not a pony, dragon looking… monkey-ish??? looking person… thing… to step out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Completely naked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Covered in fluids that sparkled like stars.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Staring at the six of them with something that seemed to be akin to tired, exhausted shock.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are the heroes here already?” the thing asked, checking a non-existent watch on its wrist. “I could swear I had more time... Also, stop calling me a </span>
  <em>
    <span>thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> and stop calling me a </span>
  <em>
    <span>monkey,</span>
  </em>
  <span> that’s both extremely rude and quite a bit racist you know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, no one said anything, weird lady?” Rainbow Dash called out awkwardly, looking around to see if anyone actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> spoken. “Also what </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> you? Cuz you’re definitely </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> a pony.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Well I </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> a human, but now I’m a dragon and- well it’s not important. My name is Siesta Ikari, and I’ve already handled the problem. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Thoroughly</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Siesta answered, wiping her lips and cleaning herself off with a burst of magic, using said magic to also regenerate her clothes in the process.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A little more thoroughly would be nice~” a weak voice called out from the shack, trembling with fatigue and more than a little bit of post-coital bliss.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta just grinned in a way that left the assembled six heroines blushing, winking at them as a pony who very much resembled Nightmare Moon but also naked, less evil, and also with a big honking orb embedded in her navel stepped out and draped herself over Siesta’s shoulders, covered in the very same fluids that Siesta had been and absolutely rocking the wildest case of sex hair any of them had ever seen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight coughed. "...If you've 'handled the problem'," she asked, pointedly not looking either of them in the eye, "then where's Princess Celestia?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, she should be here any minute now,” the not-quite Nightmare Moon spoke up, then looked down at herself and blushed as she cleaned herself up with a wave of magic. “... Probably best if I got dressed before that- oh dear. Too late.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I was going to have a wonderful speech just now about how proud I was of Twilight here,” Celestia announced as she descended like a sunlit comet, flaring her wings out as the sun’s light flared around her and sent dazzling coronas swirling around her. “But seeing my sister naked and post-coitus has kind of ruined that. Congratulations on figuring out the Elements of Harmony, though, my dear student. And for finally making friends that aren’t Spike and your immediate family.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Sorry about that,” Not Nightmare Moon muttered, looking away awkwardly and blushing as she hid herself behind Siesta, who was mostly just staring at Celestia’s chest with a slightly dumbfounded expression.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the Hell is </span>
  <em>
    <span>up</span>
  </em>
  <span> with all the giant tits around here!?” the ‘human’ exploded finally. “Seriously. What the fuck!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Khaos,” Celestia deadpanned. “I see-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For the last fucking time, my name is </span>
  <em>
    <span>Siesta,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” the human deadpanned. “But carry on.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Siesta, then,” the Princess amended. “I’m not sure if I should thank you for curing Luna of her madness, or smiting you for </span>
  <em>
    <span>bedding my little sister.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Tia!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” the aforementioned little sister shrieked. “Don’t you </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Wait. Nightmare Moon is your </span>
  <em>
    <span>sister!?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Twilight asked incredulously, looking between the two mares with a confused expression on her face. “... Well I guess that explains a </span>
  <em>
    <span>few</span>
  </em>
  <span> things…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So does that mean the human lady just slept with a </span>
  <em>
    <span>goddess</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Rainbow Dash asked, before immediately yelping in surprise as Rarity elbowed her in the ribs. “Ow, jeez! I was just asking!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong with big boobs?” Applejack muttered, scratching her head and raising her eyebrow at Siesta, then lowering her gaze a few inches. “... Got a bit of jealousy going on there, huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta waved her hand irritably. “One, I’m an Angel. Being with a goddess is not some sort of </span>
  <em>
    <span>achievement.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Second, don’t be ridiculous. I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>Louise</span>
  </em>
  <span> with her notorious chest envies, I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>gay.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Completely different.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... What’s an Angel?” Pinkie Pie asked, suddenly popping up next to Siesta and poking her shoulders and torso curiously. “Is it some kind of interdimensional anomaly expressing a soul in real space?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... How in the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Siesta yelped and jerked away from the pink mare, pushing her away and flaring her wings out in an unconscious threat display. “Hey! Teleporting randomly is my schtick!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not teleporting, silly~ I’m taking advantage of the medium!” Pinkie giggled, grinning goofily as she hopped in place a few times for seemingly no reason. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Siesta decided. “You’re narratively sensitive, aren’t you? Remind me to not introduce you to Kokabiel, Kyuu would </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually kill</span>
  </em>
  <span> me...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yuppers!” Pinkie grinned, before Celestia took charge of the situation once again and wrapped Luna in a blanket as she cleared her throat and addressed everyone once again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Twilight, I couldn’t be more proud of you tonight. You truly are my best student,” she smiled, patting Twilight on the head and then pausing. “But, you’ve also proven that you’re finally ready to take your lessons in the wider world- so I’m allowing you to remain here in Ponyville from now on, in order to learn more about Friendship, and the magic that it can create.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight smiled and nodded, bowing her head while Celestia turned to face Luna. “Luna, my dearest sister… Please don’t blame yourself for the actions of Nightmare Moon. You are my sister, and I love you. Let’s go home… Also, you need a shower. ”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Yeah that’s fair,” Luna muttered, grimacing a little bit as she tightened the blanket around her body. “I don’t really blame myself for anything, though, considering that I got my guts rearranged so hard it was basically free therapy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” Celestia deadpanned, then turned to face Siesta. “K- er, Siesta. Since you haven’t immediately started trying to destroy Equestria and helped return my sister to sanity, I’m willing to give you a second chance. Would you like to come with Luna and I to Canterlot, or would you prefer to stay in Ponyville?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The aforementioned person scratched her chin. "...This lot probably has the place handled," she decided. "I'll come with you two. Also, is that village </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>named </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ponyville </span>
  </em>
  <span>or are you just fucking with me?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is in fact, actually named Ponyville,” Celestia confirmed, not at all understanding Siesta’s line of thought. “I don’t understand why you think that is strange, but it is what it is. Now come, we should head back to town first- after all, the Summer Sun Celebration isn’t done without me raising the sun now is it?”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Couple Is Plotting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“... This place is pretentious,” Siesta muttered as she wandered through the halls of the Canterlot palace, looking around and rubbing her chin as she took in the acres of white marble, gold filigree, and hundreds of tapestries and wall hangings strewn about like some children’s fantasy book brought to life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Really </span>
  </em>
  <span>fucking pretentious," she amended as she came across a cadre of unicorns </span>
  <em>
    <span>installing a stained glass window. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She took a closer look. "Is... Is that Luna- </span>
  <em>
    <span>is this what I think it is!?" </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is indeed a window commemorating the defeat of Nightmare Moon,” Luna spoke up as she walked up behind Siesta, staring at the glass depiction of the Elements of Harmony blasting the umbral specter that was Nightmare Moon. “... Though obviously, my sister has sanitized the depiction for… well. Decency’s sake. I don’t think she would very much enjoy the idea of having a window made of you bedding me so hard I spontaneously stopped being evil, bitter, and lonely.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta tilted her head. "How do you think she'd react if it </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>in fact show that?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luna considered that. "I must admit to having far less shame than before," she confessed. "However, foals see these too." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta made a noise of disappointment. "Well," she decided, "I think we'll at least wait for them to finish, at least. Say, how do you feel about age-based illusions?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You're taking to the mare who once pranked her sister with a doodled moustache only foals could see," Luna deadpanned. "It took three weeks for someone to point it out for her. I'm in." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Patting Luna on the shoulder, Siesta dragged her around the nearest pillar and straight into the Ponyville library. "We can plan here," she decided. "The Element of Magic can be collateral." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You mean co-conspirator," Luna pointed out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>noticed her lips are surgically attached to your sister's asshole, right?" Siesta deadpanned. "I meant what I said, and if we're lucky, we can even get them together. Come on, think about the possibilities!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"...Are you two planning on pranking Twilight?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure we are, sidekick,” Siesta grinned at the little dragon. “Want in?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I dunno,” the dragon spoke slyly, rubbing his chin as he looked up at Siesta with a cunning eye. “What’s in it for me? Well, other than the satisfaction of a prank well played, of course. But I’m gonna need something a little more than that to turn against my big sis.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm… name your price, I suppose,” Siesta stated calmly, kneeling down and looking the dragon in the eye. “Also, what’s your name anyway? I don’t think I got it earlier.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The little dragon puffed up. "I'm Spike! And... Hmmmmmm. I could basically ask for anything, right?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Love potions are off the market," Siesta deadpanned. "They're a right pain to deal with, you know." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Darn,” Spike drawled, rolling his eyes with a sarcastic snap of his stubby fingers. “I was just gonna ask for some tasty gems. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> love potions are bad news. I live with </span>
  <em>
    <span>Twilight Sparkle,</span>
  </em>
  <span> y’know, foremost magical researcher in her age group? Personal student of Princess Celestia? Doesn’t take a genius to know love potions are more trouble than they’re worth.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Got caught in the wrong end of one didn't she," Siesta guessed from between the lines. "Yeah, we can do gems, right Luna?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That can be arranged," the Princess agreed, lips twitching. "I should clarify that the primary target is the sister mine, however." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spike blinked. "Oh, Twi's going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>flip. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I'm in. What shall we do?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“LUUUUNAAAAAAAAAA!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Princess Celestia’s furious scream echoed through the halls of Canterlot Castle bright and early one morning, shaking the very foundations of the castle and overall serving as quite the unwelcome wakeup call for one Princess Luna (de la Valliere pending), who slowly clawed herself to wakefulness and lifted up her sleeping mask just in time for Celestia to kick in her bedroom door with a </span>
  <em>
    <span>thoroughly</span>
  </em>
  <span> peeved expression on her face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“EXPLAIN YOURSELF NOW YOUNG LADY!” Celestia roared, furiously pointing at the mustache drawn on her face with the sort of rage only an older sibling could have, directed at Luna’s sleepy face with less than stellar results.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Oh, dangit, I drew it all lopsided,” Luna muttered, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and sighing as she sat up properly. “... Mnn, you’ll get the joke later. Can I go back to sleep now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Of all the things I thought I’d miss about you, somehow your tendency to draw mustaches on my face is…” Celestia sighed, then chuckled as she sat down next to Luna and hugged her gently, pressing her face into her younger sister’s mane. “... I know it’s been a week already, but I still wake up thinking that it was all just a dream…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luna smiled, patting her sister on the back as she sighed indulgently. “I’m still here, big sister. I will always be here- well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span> I will.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good!” Celestia chirped, running her fingers through Luna’s hair and pulling back- wait why were her fingers sticky? “Then that gives you plenty of time to wash the honey out of your hair! Good luck!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, she vanished into a sparkling wave of golden light, leaving Luna with the horrified realization that not only was her first prank </span>
  <em>
    <span>ineffective</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but that she’d just been </span>
  <em>
    <span>counter pranked</span>
  </em>
  <span> without even realizing it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“TIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know you can just undo detrimental effects with your AT-field, right?” Siesta deadpanned. “I mean, you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>literally</span>
  </em>
  <span> telling reality that ‘this is MY territory, and you have no jurisdiction here!’, you know...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...oh right,” Luna muttered. “...How’s the Main Project going?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fiddling with the design,” Siesta hummed, slipping out of bed and looking for her maid uniform. “What do you think? The scissoring variant or the futa variant?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I am quite certain that it was your, quote unquote “mighty dragon cock” that actually drove Nightmare Moon’s bitterness out of my mind near the end there, so I would say the latter,” Luna responded idly, flexing her new AT Field and letting the honey just simply vanish away from her hair. “Also, I need to practice my marker skills again. I used to be able to draw the most glorious of handlebars on Tia’s face while she slept, and to only be able to draw a lopsided mess… it’s quite annoying.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"We're also going to need to figure out a lower margin for the illusion," the dragon mused. "Also, I discovered that gems are in fact fucking delicious and somebody's been holding out on me, but that's neither here nor there." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"What's the baseline?" Luna asked idly, finding a comb and getting to work on her bedhead. "Image </span>
  <em>
    <span>as </span>
  </em>
  <span>the illusion, or actual window replacement and kid-friendly illusion on top?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"The latter," Siesta answered. "We want to keep Tia in the dark, sure, but we also </span>
  <em>
    <span>genuinely </span>
  </em>
  <span>want to commemorate the event after all..." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm… I think we should have the illusion only affect children and those too young to be seeing such a thing, as well as my sister, Twilight Sparkle, and probably some of the upper nobility,” Luna shrugged, tugging the comb through the tangles in her hair before just huffing and giving up after it snagged in a particularly large clump. Without another word, she simply snapped her fingers, let her hair transform into the wispy mass that it had become when she was Nightmare Moon, then transformed back- now perfectly styled and coiffed into an elegant curl. “Much better.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Impressive," Siesta noted. "Well, shall we get to work?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s trickery afoot in my castle,” Celestia deadpanned dryly as she strode through the halls, her horn flaring up with magic as she looked around, squinting suspiciously at anything and everything as if Luna would randomly pop out and throw a pie at her face or something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Celestia recalled, Luna had been quite fond of the tripwire pie to the face launcher tactic in their youth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But somehow, no such threat manifested, even when she came to an intersection she’d long since marked down as being perfect for such an opportunity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Quite suspicious, that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, Celestia soon realized what the actual “prank” was the moment she opened her bedroom door and found her room… absolutely pristine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Freshly cleaned. Sparkling and not a hair out of place, books carefully arranged, inkpots cleaned and lidded, makeup organized…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A complete and utter antithesis to the usual structured mess that Celestia preferred. And one that Celestia knew damn well that the maids hadn’t done thanks to the single thing out of place that gave it all away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A single throw pillow amongst the sea of its brethren strewn across her bed. A single throw pillow with a prominently embroidered dragon penis upon its fluffy exterior, all done in exquisitely expensive thread with extremely fine attention to detail.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It would have been amusing, if the other side of the pillow hadn’t featured a caricature of Luna’s bare ass.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I can’t even be mad about this,” Celestia sighed, flopping into bed and turning the pillow over in her hands. “... But low level pranks like this aren’t Luna’s style. She’s distracting me from something…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She rolled over and tented her fingers, staring into the headboard and thinking deeply. “She cleans my room,” the Sun Princess murmured. “The fiend. She leaves a depiction of a dragon penis on my bed... I’m willing to bet all of my </span>
  <em>
    <span>hair</span>
  </em>
  <span> that miss Ikari is involved with this. But what are they </span>
  <em>
    <span>up</span>
  </em>
  <span> to...?”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <span>She hummed. “I know my sister well. I don’t know Ikari </span>
  <em>
    <span>as</span>
  </em>
  <span> well. What </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> I know about Ikari?”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Trixie Exists</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Y’know, I can’t help but feel like staying in this castle full time is making me miss out on stuff that might be mildly important,” Siesta muttered idly as she flew laps around the castle, tapping her chin idly as she stared out over in the direction of Ponyville. “Like, there’s gotta be </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> to do around here that isn’t ruining some stuffy shithead’s day with a bucket of mud.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused. "Wait, I'm not a prisoner. I can fly over and fuck with TwiTwi all I want!" She struck a pose. "Siesta away!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Snapping her wings down in a quick beat, she took off towards the most unoriginally named village. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Flying, she reflected, was neat. And by that she meant flying with her own wings. AT-field flight in either method just... It didn't get your blood pumping like this did. A modern person would probably compare the two as a difference between a leisurely trip in a luxury 747, and personally piloting a high-speed helicopter. Siesta, instead, compared it between riding Ramiel and Piloting an Evangelion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She also wondered how long it would take a pony to make the trip. Depended on the pony, she supposed... </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she arrived, it seemed like all of Ponyville was already busy with some kind of event- there on stage was an absolutely gorgeous looking unicorn mare, dazzling the ponies with all manner of illusion magic and storytelling, flouncing around in a tight magician’s outfit with a wizard’s hat and cape thrown on top in an effect that was a bit chaotic, but overall came together quite nicely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta privately thought to herself that it probably worked so well because it was a damn near vacuum sealed strapless leotard that pretended to be a magician’s outfit and pantyhose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Or at least, that was what her metaphorical ladyboner was telling her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh look, and there was Twilight right there! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Huh, she seemed kinda peeved. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wonder what’s up with purple nerd?” Siesta mumbled to herself, slowly flitting down before vanishing with a quiet displacement of air as the Great and Powerful Trixie lifted her hat and held it upside down reaching inside to pull out a rabbit-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Only for Siesta to pop out with a shower of confetti, arms raised into the air with a triumphant grin on her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tadaaaaa!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eek! How did you get in my hat!?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For once, sleight of hand,” Siesta grinned. “Hello magician! Apologies for crashing in. Nice tits!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The Great and Powerful Trixie thanks you,” the magician responded graciously. “Would you like to remain as assistant for the duration of this show?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The dragon grinned. “Bitchin’. How we do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trixie grinned, flourishing a slender stage magician’s wand and winking at Siesta as she turned to address the crowd once again. “It seems we have an unannounced guest for our show this afternoon! But nevertheless, the show goes on! My lovely assistant and I shall now show you magics the likes of which put what you’ve already seen to shame!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She flourished and gestured animatedly as she spoke, voice carrying out over the crowd as she led Siesta through an increasingly complex routine of stage magics, illusions, and various tricks and stories for the next half hour until-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Liar!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight’s voice rang out over the crowd as she stomped onto the stage, full of righteous nerdlike fury as she crossed her arms and glared at Trixie. “None of what you’ve been doing has any truth to it, all of your magic is just parlor tricks and illusions!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The crowd gasped, taken aback at the exceedingly obvious announcement before turning against Trixie, who mostly just seemed confused and more than a little annoyed at the purple unicorn crashing her show.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"...You haven't met stage magicians before, have you?" Siesta deadpanned from somewhere over there. "Here's a hint: The magic is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> the point. The </span>
  <em>
    <span>showmanship </span>
  </em>
  <span>is the point." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"But it's </span>
  <em>
    <span>lies!" </span>
  </em>
  <span>Twilight protested. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta exchanged an incredulous glance with Trixie, who herself looked almost resigned for a second, before adopting a haughty expression. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"The Great and Powerful Trrrrrixie is </span>
  <em>
    <span>appalled </span>
  </em>
  <span>by your accusations," she declared. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta just stared at Twilight in pity. "Note to self," she snarked, "do not let this nerd find out about </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrestling. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She might implode." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trixie snorted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight just spluttered weakly, building up a truly frothing bookish rage as she tried to make some kind of tirade against falsifying information, only to immediately be stopped by Siesta’s fingers clamping over her lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You do realize that you’re trying to basically lambast an entire category of books, right?” Siesta deadpanned, rolling her eyes as she gently pushed Twilight back and snapped her fingers, making the other mare fall onto a sparkly cloud of surprisingly solid purple smoke. “So what if Trixie might be lying about her accomplishments? It’s the exact same thing as writing fiction, or putting on a play. I don’t see you burning down your own library to prevent the spread of false information there, so I can only assume you’re either begging for attention, or you’re just </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> sheltered.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I... But she...” Twilight spluttered weakly. “She’s rude! And grandstanding! And-”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Kinda reminds me of Luna if I squint,” Siesta mentioned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The newly returned Princess?” Trixie immediately blinked in surprise, holding her hand to the chest as a slight blush colored her face from the (probably) compliment. “The Grrreat and Powerful Trrrrixie is flattered by the comparison to our illustrious and grand Princess of the Night!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sketched a loose, flourishing bow, which only really served to agitate Twilight further.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta rolled her eyes. “If being rude and grandstanding was all it took for you to want to try and put someone to shame, then it’s no wonder Celestia kicked you out of Canterlot- you probably yelled at every single rich shithead that lives up there… then again- aren’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> one of those rich shitheads, technically? As I recall, Celestia mentioned you’d been living in Canterlot your whole life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey! You leave Twilight alone!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta sighed and dodged a rainbow streak. “She started it,” she pointed out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight, of course, just seemed quite conflicted, even as Rainbow Dash fluttered up behind her as if she were a bodyguard, the rest of the Elements of Harmony’s wielders coming up a few moments later. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the one being a jerkface!” Rainbow Dash shouted back, posturing aggressively in response to Siesta’s words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta blinked. “Have we been witnessing the same events here, Rainbow Dash? I was having a perfectly nice time as a magician’s assistant, and your, uh... boss? let’s go with boss comes up and starts mouthing off. Absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>boorish</span>
  </em>
  <span> conduct, I tell you!” She fanned her face in a very Valliere fashion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I would disagree with you, but it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> a bit boorish to interrupt a stage magician in the middle of a performance, Twilight,” Rarity muttered, chewing on her lip as she subtly began herding the others off stage, clearing her throat as she poked Twilight on the shoulder. “Perhaps you may settle your ideological differences later? Rainbow, dear, could you stop antagonizing the dragon lady in public? I’d like to avoid local catastrophe today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, fight ya later, Tomboy," Siesta grinned. She then turned to Trixie. "So, where were we?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>believe</span>
  </em>
  <span> we were in the middle of a </span>
  <em>
    <span>thrilling</span>
  </em>
  <span> tale of a mighty wizard stopping a dragon in the far reaches of Saddle Arabia,” Trixie waved her hand, immediately dismissing the six interlopers as they all but dragged Twilight and Rainbow Dash off stage, illusions lighting up the sky again as she wove a tale of dashing and intrigue, action and drama, with enough raw charisma in her voice that one could almost imagine that she’d actually gone and done it herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta felt herself being slammed against a wall and frowned. “Okay, okay, I know I said ‘fight ya later’ but, I just finished, I need a few moments to recharge-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rainbow Dash punched her in the gut. “You promised me a fight, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>fight, dammit!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta’s eyes lit up as she grinned, launching herself forward. “Never mind, </span>
  <em>
    <span>we’re back in business!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Soooooo....” Rarity drawled, looking away from the two brawlers and towards Twilight and Trixie, the former glaring at the latter and the latter rolling her eyes. “Twilight, </span>
  <em>
    <span>darling,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Just what </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> your problem with Miss Trixie over here? She seems like a perfectly respectable young lady...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s a liar and a cheat,” Twilight hissed, narrowing her eyes at Trixie as her horn sparked with tiny flares of magic due to her agitation. “Magic is the study of the flows of energy in the world, a pursuit that unlocks the secrets of the universe! It’s not supposed to be just… just some kind of showboating parlor tricks used to tell nothing but lies!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Magic," Trixie shot back, "is a force of awe, of mystery! It should be out there, sending sparks of joy into the hearts of anyone when they see the feats magic is capable of, and not stuffed into a lab with only </span>
  <em>
    <span>numbers</span>
  </em>
  <span> to keep it company!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rarity blinked. "Darlings," she pointed out, "everyone sees different things in magic, don't they? You both have opposing viewpoints, but that doesn't mean either of you is </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong, </span>
  </em>
  <span>does it?" She crossed her arms. "For me, it is a </span>
  <em>
    <span>tool</span>
  </em>
  <span>. A </span>
  <em>
    <span>valuable </span>
  </em>
  <span>tool, granted - it gives me both precision and chaos whenever I need either - but for myself, personally, it is a </span>
  <em>
    <span>tool." </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She uncrossed her arms and put them on her hips. "For Twilight it's something to study, and for Trixie it's something to display, but it's not the only thing it is, isn't it?" The fashionista narrowed her eyes. "For heaven's sake! I thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>were the Element of Friendship here, Twilight." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am!” Twilight protested, huffing petulantly and stomping her foot like a child, glaring at Trixie. “I also know that I’m objectively right about this and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will not</span>
  </em>
  <span> change my mind about it!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tch, spoken like a true spoiled brat. What, did no one suck your horn off enough in Celestia’s Magic Rich Filly school and now you’re a neurotic mess who can’t accept that other Unicorns have different thoughts than her?” Trixie snorted, rolling her eyes and raising her middle finger at Twilight. “Hmph! The Great and Powerful Trixie bets that you’ve never had to struggle worth a damn for anything in your life, and that’s why you’re such a whiny filly about how </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>use </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> magic to run </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> business!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How am </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> the sanest mare in the room?” Rarity complained to herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rares, I’m here too,” came a sarcastic reply from right next to her as Applejack crossed her arms and stared at the three of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, darling, I noticed,” Rarity nodded graciously, “And I also recall holding you back from hijacking the show yourself for ‘rope tricks’. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Honestly!</span>
  </em>
  <span> There were </span>
  <em>
    <span>foals</span>
  </em>
  <span> in the audience!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wh- I- Rarity! You know damn well that weren’t the kinda rope tricks I were gonna show off!” Applejack spluttered, whipping off her hat and waving it fiercely in Rarity’s direction, to which the only response was a mischievous titter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh hush, darling, I couldn’t resist poking a bit of fun at you,” Rarity laughed, patting Applejack on the shoulder and grinning. “But still, it isn’t wise to interrupt a show, you know? Even if I would have been quite glamorous, or any of us would have had an impressive showing of our own talents.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"If you would </span>
  <em>
    <span>like," </span>
  </em>
  <span>Trixie declared, "then the Grrrreat and Powerful Trrrrixie </span>
  <em>
    <span>could </span>
  </em>
  <span>use a few locals as an intro! Provided any of you </span>
  <em>
    <span>ask nicely. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Contrarian nerds who disparage others' businesses will not be accepted." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rarity pinched her brow. "So much for maturity," she complained. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Siesta and the Princesses Have a Conversation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Aaand that’s why a good chunk of Ponyville went up in flames,” Siesta shrugged as she finished her tale to Princess Celestia, who just dropped her face into her hands and groaned loudly, her voice echoing around the crystalline cell where Siesta was ostensibly being held prisoner, but Celestia and Siesta both knew it was a formality.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... And you expect me to believe you weren’t responsible for it in the slightest? That my own student would fly into such a neurotic rage that she would actually attempt to use an exceedingly lethal and excessively dangerous </span>
  <em>
    <span>warcrime of a spell</span>
  </em>
  <span> to set a travelling performer’s cart on fire?” Celestia asked, gritting her teeth in an effort to keep herself from attempting to vaporize Siesta where she stood at the mere implication that Twilight would do such a thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean. There’s witnesses that literally saw her spraying magic napalm whilst yelling ‘how dare you imply my mother is unfaithful’ at Trixie,” Siesta deadpanned. “Including all five of her friends.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Celestia blinked. "She what." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know!" </span>
  </em>
  <span>Siesta enthused. "Who knew she couldn't even take a 'yo mama' joke - that's a </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kindergarten</span>
  </em>
  <span>-level insult! She's all kinds of sheltered, isn't she?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... I’ll need to have a talk with her about using forbidden spells in personal conflicts,” Celestia sighed, rubbing her forehead and looking truly tired for the first time in a long time. “On another note, would you mind explaining that curious orb in Luna’s navel? She won’t give me a straight answer about it and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> it wasn’t there before.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta grinned and pulled her collar down, displaying one very much like it nestled between her collarbones. “I know, right? We match!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She tilted her head. “Out of curiosity, what </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> Luna tell you about it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That it’s some kind of artifact borne out of love and holds immense power,” Celestia began gravely, then rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Well that, or she deliberately decides to mess with me and calls it a dragon egg and that you knocked her up so hard it started growing in her navel. Suffice to say, the only thing I’m sure of is that it radiates an absolutely ridiculous amount of magical energy just by existing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta snickered. “Well, that’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” she offered. “It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> an artifact borne out of love and it </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> hold immense power.” She tilted her head. “What it </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> is, is an extradimensional organ brought in by me doing my thing, so I guess the dragon egg theory isn’t wrong either...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Upon seeing Celestia’s incredulous expression, Siesta snickered harder. “Okay, fine. It’s basically an ancient generator of infinite power, keeping our supermassive Souls from bleeding into a higher infinite, and also </span>
  <em>
    <span>refined</span>
  </em>
  <span> into a higher existence by my maternal great-grandmother.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... That doesn’t much give me any more information than I already had, but I suppose it’s about as good as I’m going to get without doing a refresher course on Starswirl’s treatises on drawing magical energy from the spaces between space and time,” Celestia sighed, rubbing her temples and trying not to get a headache from contemplating what Siesta was saying. “... I suppose this means that, legally, I get to classify you as an eldritch abomination.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta crossed her arms, frowning heavily. "One, Luna counts as one too by that logic," she pointed out. "Two, this legal distinction </span>
  <em>
    <span>better </span>
  </em>
  <span>not come with reduced rights or something stupid like that or I actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>call Grandma. Three, that classification isn't exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong, </span>
  </em>
  <span>so I can't even be mad about it. I am anyway, but..." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, well, I always did like to call her an affront to nature in the mornings, so I suppose it’s only the truth now,” Celestia muttered to herself, then turned back to Siesta. “No, there’s no reduced rights, though I will warn you that you shouldn’t spread the news about your legal status change around. Some mages tend to get… experimental… when it comes to trans-dimensional beings. And not in the way that you would enjoy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"...I'm an </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ikari," </span>
  </em>
  <span>Siesta reminded. "Wait, you don't know what that actually means... Basically, my entire family is full of masochists with strange ideas about flirting and foreplay. I'll be </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine." </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"...Do I want to know?" Celestia asked despite herself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta hummed. "Great-Gran Yui considers apocalypse scenarios foreplay, I'm reasonably certain Grandpa got off on being told what to do, we don't talk about Mom, and I'm pretty sure my kink is being of service." She paused. "To females. Men end up mysteriously dead. Just a heads up." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... So </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> why you insist on wearing an even skimpier maid uniform around Luna,” Celestia deadpanned, rubbing her temples again as she stood up and sighed. “Oh whatever. Come, we can keep talking somewhere more comfortable. I’m sure you’ll find your own way to my study without me needing to let you out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without another word, she vanished into a haze of golden sparkles that flashed brightly and faded away, leaving Siesta alo-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“&lt;&gt;~”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-tting right next to Celestia in the Princess’ study, cross legged on a large, plush armchair and reclining into it with a relaxed sigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t know I could do that right in the middle of a sentence,” Siesta murmured mostly to herself before blinking at the sight of Luna in the chair opposite hers, the three of their chairs facing each other in a rough triangle with an elegant glass coffee table sitting in between. “Heya Lulu! I missed you, darling~”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That felt... </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> Discordy,” Luna muttered. “That was unsettling. Please don’t do that again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That reminds me,” Siesta hummed. “What happened to the rat bastard anyway?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s currently a stone statue out in the public gardens,” Celestia answered primly, floating over a tea set and pouring herself a cup… which she only filled halfway before filling it fully with a shot of whiskey. “I suggest you don’t try to break him out, unless you fully intend on beating him half to death in order to stop him from trying to conquer Equestria again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta waved her hand irritably. “Please, if I got any kind of sense from the guy, then a millennia of isolation is punishment enough. At least </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> had things to occupy me with. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Him,</span>
  </em>
  <span> though...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Celestia and Luna both froze. “Wait,” the latter said slowly. “What do you </span>
  <em>
    <span>mean?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta paused. “...When I said I figured out how to cast Stone to Flesh from first principles, what exactly did you </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> I meant?” She coughed. “On a related note, I discovered that my processing speed for anything not related to teleports is complete shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I believe the phrase is “we’ll unpack that later”,” Luna muttered, rubbing her forehead and sighing. “The point of the matter is, both of us would prefer if you don’t let Discord out any time soon. After being stuck in stone for so long, I don’t doubt that he would lash out immediately out of- well, I suppose he was already insane but you understand what I mean.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, I’ll try not to,” Siesta waved irritably. “Well, I’ll try to stay out of the gardens at any rate. Half my Soul is </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span> configured for Primordial Chaos, so any kind of interaction is kind of inevitable, but I’ll try to postpone the eventual meeting as long as I can, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. Now, the next order of business is that I actually have a favor to ask of you,” Celestia sipped her tea, levitating over a sheaf of golden tickets and placing them into a stiff, fancy envelope. “Could you deliver these to Twilight? I was going to send these over in the next week via Spike, but I suspect that it might be better if you two try to make amends.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta took them, lookign closer and raising an eyebrow. “...RSVP to ‘The Grand Galloping Gala’? The fuck is this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A big fancy party I’m almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>obligated</span>
  </em>
  <span> to host every year,” Celestia sighed. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Gods</span>
  </em>
  <span> it’s dull. I’m hoping Twilight and her friends can liven it up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta paused, a grin slowly worming itself to her face. “...do </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> get a ticket?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Celestia snorted, rolling her eyes and giving Siesta a look, as though she were stupid. “Siesta, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>live here</span>
  </em>
  <span>. As a Royal Guest, you’re automatically invited to any and all Galas and Balls and whatnot that might be hosted within the castle proper. So no, you don’t get a ticket, but you’re invited all the same.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So does that mean-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Luna cut in, sighing quietly as she rubbed her forehead. “That does not mean you can spend the night eating me out beneath a comically poofy and out of date dress.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dammit,” Siesta drawled, snickering and snapping her fingers sarcastically. “I was all set to pull out my rolling knee pads and everything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Celestia cleared her throat. “Can you two </span>
  <em>
    <span>not?</span>
  </em>
  <span> At least while I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>still here?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta snorted. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m off. You two want anything from Ponyville?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Celestia sighed. “Something from Sugarcube Corner while you’re there. Luna, you want anything?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck with the nerd some more,” Luna suggested, only to be tackled by her sister. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Luna!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta snickered. “Will do,” she called, stepping behind the nearest object and-</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Siesta Detours to Ponyville</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Should I be concerned about you constantly staring at my hips or flattered?” Trixie asked idly as she stood in front of her full length mirror, posing as she tried out a variety of outfits while Siesta watched from a nearby chair. The interior of Trixie’s cart was a bit cramped, all things considered, but considering that Trixie had custom built and enchanted something the size of a normal horse drawn carriage into having a small apartment on the inside, well, Siesta wouldn’t complain. Especially since she had such a nice view to watch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go with flattered,” Siesta suggested. She licked her lips. “Oh yeah. Houston, we have nooooo problems.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I suppose I could do that,” Trixie grinned, posing dramatically and affecting a haughty tone as her outfit shifted into a reasonable facsimile of the Princess’ battle armor, emblazoned with her own Cutie Mark rather than a sun or moon. “Worship me more, my loyal servant~!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are a </span>
  <em>
    <span>shameless</span>
  </em>
  <span> flirt,” Siesta noted, grinning. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>like</span>
  </em>
  <span> it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, when one has a body </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> gorgeous, one either hides it or- like I- learns how to flaunt it </span>
  <em>
    <span>most</span>
  </em>
  <span> magnificently!” Trixie chuckled, holding one hand up and raising the back of her hand to her mouth before laughing in a manner reminiscent of the textbook ojou-sama. “Ohohohohoho!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta snickered. “Okay, tone back on the ojou,” she suggested. “Because right now you just remind me of Arael and that’s just a bit </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> hilarious of a mental image.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trixie paused, blinking in confusion as she looked over at Siesta. “Who is Arael? Some kind of haughty rich woman, I presume, if my snotty noble act is that reminiscent of her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Less rich, more haughty, loads of ego, and technically a part of my family,” Siesta groaned. “Thank ADAM it’s in slightly different circles, she usually hangs out with the Ayanamis...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trixie shuddered. “Ugh, family. Say no more.” She tilted her head. “...so wait, what </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> you come here to do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, the big white one upstairs told me to come down here and deliver these tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala to the purple nerd and ‘make up’ with her or something,” Siesta shrugged, withdrawing the envelope from her cleavage and waving it around before sliding it back into subspace. “Buuuut, other than that I’m mostly here to ask if you’re down to fuck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you not in a relationship with the Princess of the Night?” Trixie asked curiously. “Trixie acknowledges her own greatness, but she dares not compare herself with a Princess...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta snorted. “Puh-</span>
  <em>
    <span>lease,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Luna’s chill. Also, you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>ponies, </span>
  </em>
  <span>ain’tcha? You telling me you lot are actually monogamous?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Yes?” Trixie asked, raising her eyebrow at Siesta oddly. “... I mean, polygamy is legal and all but monogamous relationships are the norm, as far as the last time I checked the library for marriage statistics.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trixie paused, then coughed lightly into her hand as she looked to the side. “That was, er… about two years ago for my major, actually…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh,” was Siesta’s response to that. “Now I kind of want to know what they looked like before Discord, back when you lot were </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> ponies...” she mused. “I should probably ask Luna. Anyway, yeah. You down for a threesome?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A chance to sleep with both a dragon </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> one of the Princesses? As if you’d even have to ask,” Trixie snorted, immediately grinning at Siesta as she vanished her clothes and replaced them with an illusion of a painted on version of Nightmare Moon’s slutty bikini armor. “Worship me~!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta grinned. “Your wish is my command~!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I’m not touching </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> you hand me until you take a shower and wash your hands,” Twilight immediately deadpanned as she opened the door and saw Siesta, having already received a letter from Princess Celestia about Siesta’s arrival mere hours prior. “Also, put your clothes back on properly. I’m pretty sure you just gave half of Ponyville a free peek at your ass the way you’re dressed right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do I look like I’m bothered?” Siesta deadpanned. “I bet you’re just jealous that I got laid and you didn’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I’m actually just disgusted that you’d try to hand me a sticky envelope while completely covered in and reeking of sexual fluids. Sex isn’t exactly something I’m super interested in most of the time,” Twilight sighed, shaking her head as she, instead of letting Siesta into her library to make a mess of things, simply conjured a ball of soapy water and let it splash down over Siesta’s head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, first of all, fair,” the mass of bubbles declared, “but on the other hand OW FUCK YOU GOT SOAP IN MY EYE!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Deal with it,” Twilight groused. “What’s in the envelope?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Some gala invitations,” Siesta groused, whipping her uniform off entirely and hanging it out to dry on Twilight’s library.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leaving herself completely naked and utterly unbothered by the fact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I hate you. I hate you </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Twilight sighed, throwing up a privacy wall around the library so the Mayor wouldn’t slap </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span> with a public indecency charge due to Siesta’s actions. “Would it kill you to at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>pretend</span>
  </em>
  <span> to not be an exhibitionist pervert?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Would it kill you to pull the stick out of your ass?” Siesta shot back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> supposed to mean?” Twilight immediately snapped, glaring heavily at Siesta with an indignant expression carved into every fiber of her being, magic flaring up and sparks flying from her horn as she did her utmost best to disintegrate Siesta with her mind (metaphorically, but she was willing to try out a few spells if Siesta said anything even dumber than usual).</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No offence, but you’re kind of uptight,” Siesta drawled. “Not even </span>
  <em>
    <span>Celestia</span>
  </em>
  <span> is this uptight. You’re, like, Canterlot nobility uptight. And that’s not a good thing for anyone, let alone some sort of an Element of Harmony, now is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not uptight!” Twilight shouted, eyebrow twitching heavily as she continued glaring at Siesta, trembling with indignation and clenching her fists heavily. “I have friends!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Okay, I'll give you that," Siesta allowed. "You have friends. You also can't stand someone having a different opinion from you, </span>
  <em>
    <span>coughTrixiecough, </span>
  </em>
  <span>you assume things about people, you are a total prude about pretty much everything, and you can't take a joke. Even </span>
  <em>
    <span>Celestia </span>
  </em>
  <span>can take a joke. Like, you're probably very nice, Twi, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>please </span>
  </em>
  <span>loosen up before you snap."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can take a joke! I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>plenty</span>
  </em>
  <span> loose!” Twilight continued digging, raging at Siesta with all the fury of someone who desperately did not want to confront the idea that they weren’t quite as nice as they thought they were. Or in this case, didn’t want to confront the idea that they were an antisocial stuck up loner with absolutely no social skills.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta raised an eyebrow. She then draped her still naked self across Twilight's shoulders, lips very close to touching the mare's and frowning over how the unicorn flinched away from her. "Please stop lying to yourself," she chided gently. "I've dealt with nobles most of my life, I know what you all are like. Take some time for yourself. Socialise with your friends. Have a sleepover. Experiment. Sexually, I mean." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She traced Twilight's jawline with a finger, smiling at the blush it incited. "Think about it, okay? At some point, your neuroses will end up hurting someone, and I doubt you or your friends want to see that happen, yeah?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight let out a sound that was more like the sound of a tea kettle than a proper response, flopping over backwards like a wooden pole (and even making a sound reminiscent of a wooden pole falling over in the process) as she completely froze up due to her proximity to Siesta’s naked breasts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Well, that’s about all the making up I’m doing today,” Siesta muttered, watching Twilight as she just laid there, blushing so brightly her skin turned into an awful shade of purplish red. “Seeya around, Twilight! And hopefully next time you’ll pull that stick out of your ass!”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. People Are Lewd</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"So how goes the project?" Siesta inquired, walking out of Luna's shadow and making the mare yelp. "On an unrelated note, how do you feel about a threesome with a local bard?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, surprisingly quickly for one, but also surprisingly slowly for another. And- is this that Trixie mare that Tia told me you’d befriended the other day?” Luna asked, finishing up her work on sketching out a final design of a </span>
  <em>
    <span>thoroughly</span>
  </em>
  <span> inappropriate design for a stained glass window and tossing her pen to the side with a flick of her horn. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>more than </span>
  </em>
  <span>befriended," Siesta waggled her eyebrows. "And yep." She peeked over Luna's shoulder and nodded approvingly. "Ooh, me likey~!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes I wonder what kind of society you must have grown up in that you’re so casual about sleeping around, but then I remember that until just barely before Discord came along clothes were considered fanciful garments meant only for those of high status or those in cold climates,” Luna sighed, hugging Siesta with one wing as she sat back in her chair. “If you’d been around back then, I’m sure you would have been propositioning mares left and right…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not really,” Siesta mused, “I’m not that into quadrupeds.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Quadru- what are you talking about?” Luna asked quizzically, looking over at Siesta strangely. “Ponies have not been quadrupeds since… well, since the very inception of our race eons ago, long before society evolved.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta blinked, frowning. “Hang on, lemme check my memory.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luna </span>
  <em>
    <span>yelped</span>
  </em>
  <span> as the surroundings around them rippled into a far older, more chaotic environment. </span>
  <em>
    <span>In the middle of the scene was a pair of thrones, and in front of said thrones stood a very familiar pair of alicorns.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey Discord?” Past-Siesta asked, leaning over to stage whisper at said draconequus, who seemed just as flabbergasted as she was.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I thought you said this was a place full of Ponies,” Past-Siesta continued stage whispering, heedless of the pair of sisters staring at them with divine wrath and rainbows rippling around them. “Those two are clearly anthropomorphic- also, why the fuck are their tits so big!?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tia and I have always been well-endowed,” present Luna commented dryly as the scene paused. “Why did you drag me here again?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” present Siesta replied distractedly. “Hang on, I think the relevant information is coming up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Okay one: I have no idea. Two: Like you have any room to talk,” Past-Discord immediately responded, pointing down at Siesta’s chest with a clawed finger. “</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>I swear they were actual equines a few seconds ag</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The scene rippled into a halt. “Yep,” Siesta deadpanned. “I remember correctly - ponies being bipedal is a recent development.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You do realize you’re trusting </span>
  <em>
    <span>Discord’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> word about this?” Luna shot back as the scene dissolved around them. “Discord. The crown prince of chaos. That Discord.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... Hm. I mean, I’d trust a native more than I’d trust my own memories of how the world… then again, I did accidentally revert the world to primordial chaos before Discord changed it back so,” Siesta bit her lip and tapped her heel against the ground, not really feeling like trying to access her higher dimensional Angelic nature for something so petty as a quick fact checking session. “Whatever, I guess it doesn’t matter </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luna blinked. “You did what.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Yeah so apparently um… when I let all my soul kinda just ooze out of me it turns the world into primordial chaos? Or at least, moves it back through one or more time axes into the state that it was before the universe formed? Wasn’t… </span>
  <em>
    <span>super</span>
  </em>
  <span> clear about that before I got turned into a statue,” Siesta shrugged, not entirely sure what had happened and honestly not even remotely wanting to try it again. “Maybe that had more of an effect than I thought considering that linear time is a concept that doesn’t technically apply to my species.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Luna decided. “I’m going to go research something else right now, I can’t deal with all those revelations. You... entertain yourself, I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta raised an eyebrow. “Okay dokay...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nopey dopey! My turn now!” Pinkie Pie immediately popped up and stole the spotlight, waving at seemingly nothing from her room in the attic of Sugarcube Corner, grinning brightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Um… Pinkie…? What are you doing…?” Fluttershy asked awkwardly, wondering why Pinkie was waving out of the window while she checked up on Gummy and made sure that the little pygmy alligator wasn’t diabetic or something from living around Pinkie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I said hello to the spotlight!" the perky pink pony replied. "Also the narrator. Hello narrator!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I... See," Fluttershy said slowly, remaining completely oblivious to the unpersoned narration waving hello back. "Are they... a nice narrator?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yupperoonie, but anyway, we’re not supposed to focus on them anyway. How’s Gummy doing?” Pinkie asked, scooting up to Fluttershy in a single motion and squatting down so she could look Gummy in the eyes. “Is he all healthy and hale and happy and some other h word that means good things?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I... Yes, he's fine," Fluttershy murmured. "I still say that he should be teething by now, but he </span>
  <em>
    <span>insists </span>
  </em>
  <span>he's feeling fine without, so..." she huffed. "He's just as obstinate as you, Pinkie." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I dunno what that means but if you say Gummy’s fine then that’s all that matters to me!” Pinkie giggled, lifting up Gummy and swinging him around as she spun around in circles, laughing gaily before hugging the tiny gator close and grinning wide. “Thanks for coming over, Shy! You wanna cupcake before you go?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fluttershy eyed her friend. "I, um," she murmured, "I would prefer not to." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pinkie snickered. "No, don't worry silly filly, it won't be like last time, I promise!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Then I'd love to," the pegasus smiled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Great! Lemme just grab a box for you!” Pinkie giggled, dashing out of the room before returning with a box full of cupcakes- actual cupcakes this time, not- well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fluttershy was just thankful that she didn’t have to live through Pinkie’s jokes about not liking nuts or sausage or frosting again. For the third time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This month.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Don't get her wrong, she liked the occasional... encounter... very much, but it had its time and a place, really. "Thanks, Pinkie," she smiled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome! And remember, if you ever want a special ‘meat’ cupcake again, you just gotta ask~!” Pinkie winked dramatically at Fluttershy, grinning wide as she lightly smacked her friend’s rear and sent her on her way, before turning to face the wall again and speaking a single syllable in a strange language.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“&lt;&gt;!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A little to the left!” Applejack called out, waving her arms as Rainbow fluttered about the massive stretch of farmland that made up Sweet Apple Acres, pushing a mass of fluffy, dark gray rainclouds around and making sure they watered the rows and rows and rows of apple trees evenly. “To the right! Straight ahead! To the right again!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"This is harder than it </span>
  <em>
    <span>looks, </span>
  </em>
  <span>AJ!" Rainbow yelled back. "...It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>to the right already!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“More right!” Applejack shouted back, motioning for Rainbow to push the cloud and let the furthest side of the orchard get more rain. “Yer missin’ the far right! Get the last six rows before you hit the rest!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm going, I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>going</span>
  </em>
  <span>," the pegasus grumbled. "</span>
  <em>
    <span>You </span>
  </em>
  <span>try hauling around several tons of water in the air and complain then!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Ah'll throw in a reward if you'll be a good girl and water the rest of them trees without backchat!" Applejack hollered back. "We'll do those rope tricks you like so much~!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes ma’am!” Rainbow immediately called back, snapping off a quick salute and renewing her task with much more energy than before. And if maybe her shorts were way wetter than they were before, well, she was pretty much up to her elbows in rainclouds, of course she was gonna get soaked at some point.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Applejack, meanwhile, leaned back and simply </span>
  <em>
    <span>watched</span>
  </em>
  <span> with a grin. Ah, the joys of soaked shirts. And/or figure-hugging shorts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After more time than either of them really wanted to wait for, Rainbow finished off the last of the trees, dispelling the now emptied out cloud with an aerial roundhouse kick before zooming down and landing in front of Applejack, wings flared wide as sweat dripped down her skin and her tanktop clung-partially see through- to her chest, exposing to the world the ever so obvious fact that she didn’t wear a bra.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Applejack nodded in satisfaction, “Y’all’ve been a good enough girl, Dashie.” She unhooked the lasso from her belt and twirled it, grinning. “C’mere~!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes ma’am!” Rainbow immediately grinned, ripping off her clothes and all but tackling Applejack into the nearest barn, slamming the doors shut behind her and locking them for privacy.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Twilight is a prude</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“...Rarity?” Twilight asked hesitantly. “Am I really a prude?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Honey,” Rarity started, searching around for words to delicately state what she was thinking. “Darling. Sweetie. I’ve seen you blush at a sexual education manual. And- well. Considering that Ponyville is one of the more sexually open towns in Equestria…. you stick out like a sore thumb.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"...Oh."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight rubbed her arms. "Even... around you? Or, or... Fluttershy?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Darling," Rarity deadpanned, "I am literally wearing a vibrating plug under my skirt right now, and Shy has an arrangement with Pinkie. Maybe accept it?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait you’re what now,” Twilight paused, having to reset her brain for a moment as she stared at where Rarity was ever so slightly fidgeting in her seat. “.... Have you been doing that </span>
  <em>
    <span>every time</span>
  </em>
  <span> you come over?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not </span>
  <em>
    <span>every</span>
  </em>
  <span> time,” Rarity admonished, crossing her legs and shuddering pleasantly. “I switch them up every so often. You don’t see me wear the same </span>
  <em>
    <span>clothes</span>
  </em>
  <span> every single time, do you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Well… when you put it like that,” Twilight murmured, unable to look Rarity in the eyes as she bit her lip, then immediately flared her horn with magic, lifting the other mare up and sliding a plastic seat cover under her before setting her back down. “I’m going to have to cover all my seats with plastic, aren’t I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rarity stared at her friend through lidded eyes. “That wasn’t particularly nice, darling,” she drawled. “but feel free. You can’t lower your taste any more than you already have.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean!?” Twilight sputtered, staring at Rarity with overblown shock, pressing one hand to her immaculately ironed sweater vest and dress shirt combo. “My style is </span>
  <em>
    <span>immaculate,</span>
  </em>
  <span> thank you very much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... You’re wearing a stereotypical nerd outfit and are fully covered from neck to hoof despite the fact that it’s well over seventy degrees outside, darling,” Rarity deadpanned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> still measuring in Fahrenhoof?” Twilight questioned incredulously, coincidentally dodging the question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s beside the point darling and you know it,” Rarity grumbled, pinching her nose and sighing. “You really do need a makeover, dear. At least wear a </span>
  <em>
    <span>skirt</span>
  </em>
  <span> or something. Trousers like that are only going to be ruined by the summer heat once it </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>gets going.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight didn’t answer, opting to just rub her sleeves self-consciously. Rarity noticed, and sighed. “I’m not asking you to strip naked immediately, darling. Just, you know, keep adjusting your comfort level, because let’s be fair, that dragon of Luna’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>clearly</span>
  </em>
  <span> isn’t going to stop doing whatever she’s doing any time soon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... Fine… I guess… it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> a little bit too warm for my usual style anyway,” Twilight sighed, chewing her lip self consciously as she looked to the side. “I just… don’t have any other clothes, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rarity took a moment to dig through her purse, find her glasses, put them on, and then slide them down her nose just so that she could look at her friend over them. “Twilight, darling, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I am a seamstress.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Moreso, I am the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Element of Generosity.</span>
  </em>
  <span> I can </span>
  <em>
    <span>make </span>
  </em>
  <span>you clothes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Yeah that’s fair,” Twilight sighed again, leaning back in her chair and staring at the ceiling. “Could you just alter my current wardrobe though? I </span>
  <em>
    <span>like</span>
  </em>
  <span> the patterns I have already and some of those vests were… really expensive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rarity </span>
  <em>
    <span>grinned,</span>
  </em>
  <span> a storm of needles suddenly floating around her. “Darling, all you had to do was </span>
  <em>
    <span>ask.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel… violated,” Twilight muttered a few hours later, now clad in a modest, yet tasteful combination of light blouse and long skirt, the sweater vest she wore seamlessly integrated into said blouse to make for a warm, yet not sweaty shirt, perfect for the summer temperature. “I can’t believe you just ripped off my trousers like that…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re fine,” Rarity deadpanned. “Sheltered, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Relax. You look lovely!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’d absolutely agree,” Siesta said. “Very ‘cute librarian’. I approve, for a first-timer!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She deftly sidestepped the storm of needles. “...rude much?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rude is walking in on a private makeover,” Rarity declared, crossing her arms. “Now apologize.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine, fine, sorry,” Siesta waved her hand idly, rolling her eyes as she picked up one of the needles from the floor and used it as a toothpick. “Aaaaanyway, apparently I’m here on a courier job because that’s literally the only thing I do anymore- well, that, and I’m here to pick up my new girlfriend. But that’s neither here nor there. Here’s a letter.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a halfassed flourish, Siesta produced a simple letter emblazoned with the wax seal of Celestia’s office and presented it to Twilight. “I got no idea what’s inside so go wild with that or whatever.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight took it, hands already shaking. "A letter? From the Princess? But why didn't she send it through Spike? Maybe it's super-duper urgent and it had to be hand-delivered? Maybe- maybe-!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Maybe she just wants to check up on you without seeming urgent?" Rarity deadpanned. "Just open it and see what it is." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With increasing franticness, Twilight tore open the letter and withdrew its contents- only for her to deflate instantly as she actually read the letter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... That… is exactly what it was. The Princess just wanted to check up on me and see how I’m settling in,” Twilight muttered, wiping her brow and sighing as she pored over the contents of the letter before coming to a stop at the bottom. “... and also make friends with Siesta. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Really?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The dragon in question was behind her in an instant, reading from over her shoulder. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>‘...and please try to make friends with Siesta, I’m afraid she’s getting dreadfully bored in the palace...’</span>
  </em>
  <span> Why that arrogant little-!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s a story there,” Rarity commented from her seat, where she’d adjusted her position into a slightly more suggestive pose. “Care to share, darling?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The arrogant conniving little wretch is sending me out of the place to stop me conspiring with Luna,” Siesta grumbled. “She just wants her unfair advantage back, is all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Conspir- are you- what are you planning!?” Twilight immediately whirled around, horn aglow with horrible fel magics as her mind immediately jumped to the worst possible conclusion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Prank wars,” Siesta deadpanned. “Tia has an advantage over Luna when I’m not there, she’s used to having it, and wants it back. Sneaky little she-devil.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Oh. That- Hm… Wait, Princess Celestia likes pran- why am I even surprised, of course she does!” Twilight threw up her hands as her mind whirled around, recategorizing information on the fly as she sat back down in her chair and tried to get her thoughts straight. “I’ve </span>
  <em>
    <span>seen</span>
  </em>
  <span> her playing pranks on everyone from half the nobles in Canterlot all the way to my </span>
  <em>
    <span>brother!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><span>“You have a brother?”</span> <span>came from two mouths simultaneously, before Rarity and Siesta exchanged glances. “...Is he single?” the former questioned.</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I have a brother, and no he’s not single,” Twilight sighed, rubbing her forehead and grumbling. “By Celestia, why is that the </span>
  <em>
    <span>first</span>
  </em>
  <span> thing everyone asks whenever they find out I have a brother? I mean, okay, the only other time it’s happened was with my ex-babysitter who’s now my brother’s fiance but it’s still weird that it’s happened twice.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, at least people </span>
  <em>
    <span>ask</span>
  </em>
  <span> about your brother first,” Siesta snickered. “I for example banged Luna entirely without asking the sister~”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Please</span>
  </em>
  <span> stop mentioning that,” Twilight groaned, rubbing her forehead out of sheer irritation. “I really don’t want to have to think about Princess Luna’s sex life right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because you need to think about your own instead,” Siesta nodded in understaning. “Gotcha.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wh-I-! No!!” Twilight protested, spluttering and blushing brightly as she flung a nearby cushion at Siesta. “Get your head out of the gutter you incorrigible sex fiend!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gutter?” Siesta questioned, looking flummoxed. “It’s a perfectly valid question if you ask me. Or are you telling me that your friend over there is plugged for completely unrelated reasons?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am, actually,” Rarity confirmed. “Look, can you ease off on her? I doubt shock therapy is much use around here...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shock thera- what, is she </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> that much of a prude?” Siesta muttered, staring at Twilight with an undisguised amount of confusion. “... That’s… not standard. Even in Canterlot I’ve seen people prancing around half naked. Mostly in the less stuffy rich areas but still. Well… er, other than that one pink lady literally pegging her boyfriend in an alleyway behind the castle… coulda sworn she had wings </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> a horn, but I haven’t really seen her around the palace before so…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to know about my brother’s sex life,” Twilight muttered, eye faintly twitching, “I don’t want to know about my brother’s sex life...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...On the other hand,” Siesta considered, “It could just be trauma.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Yes, perhaps let’s avoid talking about this for now,” Rarity nodded, surreptitiously sidling over away from the windows and towards the bathroom. “Excuse me a moment, darlings, I need to use the restroom.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re excused,” Siesta nodded distractedly, swooping Twilight onto the couch proper and throwing an arm around her shoulders. “So, wanna talk about it, kid?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... I think talking about it is the last thing I want to do. In fact, I’d rather just forget about it entirely and go back to my studies,” Twilight deadpanned, pulling a large thermos of some sort from the kitchen with a flash of magic and taking a deep drag of its surprisingly floral smelling contents.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Is that alcohol?” Siesta asked, raising an eyebrow and tilting her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wh- no! It’s my own personal blend of tea,” Twilight huffed, giving Siesta an affronted look in response. “I made it to be the single most efficient blend of stress relievers, painkillers, energy boosters, and focus enhancers short of adding in mind altering narcotics.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta blinked. “...Could I have a recipe? I know a few researchers who could use something of that nature...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sure,” Twilight immediately sat up straighter as she retrieved a quill and notepad, scribbling down a recipe with one hand while setting the thermos aside with her other. “I’ve got a number of blends- some of them counteract each other, though, so try to keep them separate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Siesta nodded, scanning the list and uploading it to the interdimensional groupchat. “What made you come up with it, anyway?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… nothing in particular,” Twilight spoke easily, eyes drifting to the side as she suddenly broke out into a cold sweat. “Just um… a few… long study sessions. And stress. And the ever looming threat of failing to meet Princess Celestia’s expectations.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta blinked. “...</span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> expectations? Celly’s expectations are about as </span>
  <em>
    <span>low</span>
  </em>
  <span> as they can </span>
  <em>
    <span>get, </span>
  </em>
  <span>the Canterlot nobility isn’t exactly setting a </span>
  <em>
    <span>high</span>
  </em>
  <span> bar of getting along with her...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Well maybe it’s not so much her expectations as it was what I imagined them to be,” Twilight admitted. “And I’m still working on… deprogramming myself of that. It turns out that I’m naturally predisposed to several neuroses and anxiety so… yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta clapped the unicorn on the shoulder. “Hey, at least you </span>
  <em>
    <span>acknowledge</span>
  </em>
  <span> that, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I suppose. But then again, I did almost freak out in the middle of town the other day before I managed to calm down,” Twilight shrugged. “Turns out, I still have an unbelievably neurotic response to encroaching deadlines.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta hummed. “I’ve heard breathing exercises help. Goodness knows I’ve had to help out my fair share of panicking students, way back when...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I find it hard to believe that you had to deal with anything regarding academics- were you a teacher or something?” Twilight asked, staring at Siesta oddly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta giggled. “Oh heavens no, nothing nearly as stressful as that! I was just a lowly maid in a magic academy, oh what was it, thirteen centuries and change past? I was the one most comfortable with talking to the nobles, so it was usually me who brought them warm milk and things like that.” She sighed. “Good times. Simpler times.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Well, I suppose I should have expected that considering your usual clothes,” Twilight deadpanned, sighing a bit as she sat back and crossed her legs. “So… what was that academy like?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta considered that. “...surprisingly dull despite all the Angels running about,” she confessed. “The only times we saw any kind of excitement was when we had royal visitors, although I must say that the excitement wasn’t exactly... for the </span>
  <em>
    <span>reasons</span>
  </em>
  <span> you’d expect.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Right, let’s not go into that anymore,” Twilight rolled her eyes, sighing quietly again. “What kind of classes were taught there anyway? I’m interested in seeing just how the curriculum must have differed all those centuries ago.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta paused. “Oh, no, I didn’t explain myself properly at all, did I? It wasn’t in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Equestria’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> past, it was in </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> past!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...there’s a difference?” Twilight asked carefully.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course there is!” Siesta shot back, acting offended. “I’ve only been in Equestria for slightly over a thousand years, and that was spent as a statue. The remaining three centuries, I lived on my own planet!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... You’re an </span>
  <em>
    <span>alien!?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Twilight immediately shrieked, gasping loudly as she immediately accosted Siesta with a ludicrous amount of technobabble the likes of which were completely unreproducible in text form such was her speed and depth of interrogation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That might have been a mistake, </span>
  </em>
  <span>the Angel mused. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five hours later (during which Rarity had exited the bathroom and returned to her boutique whilst carrying a suspiciously dripping bag), Siesta finally teleported back into the loving embrace of her royal girlfriend (and less royal other girlfriend) with a hefty sigh of relief.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> did she manage to ask that many questions!?” she groaned, clutching Luna and Trixie close as she idly groped their rears and teleported the three of them into bed. “I’m so tiiiiiired!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I take it your mission was a success?” Luna inquired dryly. “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> have a mission, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“TwiTwi had the mission to make friends with me,” Siesta yawned. “That reminds me, we need to get back at Tia for that...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps tomorrow, the window installation only just finished today and we’ve yet to see it in action,” Luna sighed, patting Siesta’s head whilst Trixie just raised her eyebrow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Are you two seriously talking about pranking Princess Celestia?” she asked, shifting around a bit so she could find a comfortable position on the bed. “Over something so petty as- hm. Actually, making friends with that insufferable bookworm </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> a prank worthy offense, come to think of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not getting the full picture, Trix,” Siesta corrected. “Me getting saddled with Twi is Celestia’s way of evening the scales - when I’m occupied with getting pestered by her student, I can’t be strategizing here, and basically Celly is being a sneaky little bitch.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... That sounds entirely implausible, but considering that you’re both taking this seriously, I guess that just means I’ll have to join in on this tomfoolery,” Trixie deadpanned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta and Luna grinned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Celestia, meanwhile, wondered if perhaps that chill running down her spine meant something important.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Applejack Is Not In This Chapter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“The Grand Galloping Gala is coming up,” Siesta murmured.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The dullest party ever, that Princess Celestia supposedly keeps trying to liven up every year,” Trixie added.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should go there,” Luna mused, “and</span>
  <em>
    <span> keep it in one piece.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ehhhhh,” Siesta made a face and stuck out her tongue a bit. “Nah. As much as it’d be funny to see Celly go crazy from boredom, I’d rather fuck up a party horribly rather than make it go the way it’s planned. Y’know, since I’m a chaos dragon and all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In that case,” Trixie grinned, “Let’s give her </span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly what she wants.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A banquet of complete and utter chaos? Sounds like my kinda deal!” Siesta grinned fiercely, chuckling under her breath as she imagined the sheer amount of chaos that the three of them could bring. “Wait, are we talking like, pranks, or are we talking blow up the entire ballroom?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luna </span>
  <em>
    <span>chuckled,</span>
  </em>
  <span> from the dark corners of the bedroom. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” She was petting a goose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta paused, staring at the goose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The goose stared back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta continued staring into the goose’s cold, black eyes, as though entranced.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The goose honked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a wonderful day in Canterlot,” Siesta proclaimed, grinning in a manner that would have made small children cry and most mares of faint constitution pass out from sheer fright. “And </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>… is the single most horrible goose I’ve </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> seen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I feel like this is a reference,” Trixie grumbled, “and I want to bap you over the head for it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s most definitely a reference, and that goose is gonna be perfect for causing chaos,” Siesta nodded, while Luna continued petting said goose and feeding it from a bowl of grapes. “Where’d you even get that goose anyway?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fluttershy needed a favor,” Luna admitted, “and I needed a goose. We worked out a deal.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That explains many things, but brings even more questions,” Trixie deadpanned, sighing quietly as she slid out of bed and turned towards the vanity. “Hmm… maybe I need a new hairstyle for the Gala…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"How about a bun?" Siesta offered. "Perhaps with some side-bangs... Hrm. Where have I seen that image before..." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... That actually sounds a bit nice, but I don’t think my hair is quite long enough for that-” Trixie paused, then shook her head. “And I’m not about to use a hair lengthening spell to fix it. Some things are better left to… natural… causes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta hummed. “I see. Luna, do you have any ideas?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, if we’re going to be as disruptive as possible…” Luna murmured, walking up to Trixie with a contemplative look. “... How about something like… this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without warning, Luna reached out and grabbed Trixie’s hair as her horn lit up and-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fucking hell!” Siesta yelped as a loud thunder crack echoed through the room, Trixie’s entire length of hair all but exploding into something resembling… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... This is just my normal hair but even </span>
  <em>
    <span>more </span>
  </em>
  <span>lesbian,” Trixie deadpanned, staring at her brand new undercut and fluffy mohawk thing with a critical eye. “And, well, without the hair in the back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A slow grin spread across Siesta’s face as she inhaled. And </span>
  <em>
    <span>sneezed.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There,” she snickered as the soot cloud dispersed. “Now we match.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, pretty nice but it doesn’t match the maid outfit,” Trixie shook her head, lighting up her own horn and ruffling her hands through Siesta’s hair to revert it to its previous blond twin tails. “If you wore something else, maybe, but otherwise it just looks wrong.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta hrmed. “I could go with the hairstyle I had originally?” she suggested. “And modify that. Can’t be that hard.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think the twin tails look nice,” Luna commented idly, running her fingers through the ethereal mist that made up her own hair and huffing quietly as she tried to shape it. “Though I do wish my own hair was easier to work with.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bet I can give you a full mohawk,” Siesta pondered. “Shouldn’t be </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> hard...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I tried that once,” Luna shook her head as she pulled her mane back into a loose tail, grumbling a bit and making a dissatisfied face. “It did not look good. Not in the slightest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about something vaguely like that hot goth look you had when you were evil?” the maid suggested. “That one was pretty outrageous.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... Well, I could do that,” Luna shrugged, then grabbed a pair of scissors in her magic and squinted at the mirror. “Or….”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I’m not sure I want to watch what’s about to happen,” Trixie muttered, closing her eyes, turning just in time to hear the scissors start chattering almost like a lawnmower. “Oh dear…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... Luna no.” Siesta warned</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Luna yes,” Luna responded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And thus-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luna plunged the scissors into her mane.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta winced.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trixie shrieked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hair flew and dissipated into wisps of ephemeral stardust.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh, that looks pretty good, actually,” Siesta muttered a few minutes later, brushing flecks of what used to be glittery sparkles off of her shoulder as she took in Luna’s new hair. “Very punk, but also very sexy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Trixie hopes this is not actual stardust,” the showmare muttered behind her. “Trixie also wonders if her heart is going to stop racing any time soon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... You know, I’m honestly not sure </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> it is,” Luna mentioned idly, flicking some dust off of Trixie’s shoulder, while Siesta just snickered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“From how red you’re getting, I don’t think your heart’s gonna stop racing for a few hours,” said maid pointed out, winking as she lightly smacked Trixie’s rear. “Or, if you can handle it, all night long.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...yeah, let’s go with that,” Trixie sighed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With matching grins, Luna and Siesta immediately pounced on the opportunity- and Trixie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wah~!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whoops! Can’t show that in a non-christian fanfic!” Pinkie declared as she dragged the narration over to Sugarcube corner once again, giggling as she returned to what she’d been doing before- which was apparently decorating an improbably large amount of cakes with implausibly complex designs that seemed mostly held together with hopes, dreams, magic, and fondant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mostly fondant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe a little magic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s a christian?” Mrs. Cake asked, blinking. “...And who are you talking to, Pinkie?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nobody~” Pinkie sang back, dancing around Mrs. Cake with a dramatic wink before doing up the last little flourish of a decorative wedding cake made in the shape of a great dragon. Or, as Pinkie liked to call said cake, Spike’s afternoon post-lunch snack.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She would have been concerned about Spike getting fat, but the dragonling ran around town enough on errands to work off the sugar anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That reminded her. “Oh, Mrs. Cake, I think we’re running out of sugar...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are we?” Mrs. Cake asked, looking over at Pinkie before scratching her head and checking the pantry. “Hm, I guess we are- this week has been a bit busier than usual. Pinkie, if you’re done with those cakes, could you be a dear and go down to the market, then? Just get our usual amount, if you would.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okie dokie lokie!” the pink party pony giggled. “Should I pick up anything else?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm… let me look…” Mrs. Cake hummed under her breath as she looked around the pantry, then shrugged. “I think we could get another half order of chocolate sprinkles and a half order of chocolate chips, but otherwise we should be good for another week.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gotcha!” Pinkie nodded. “Anyway, I think the ‘good times’ are over, thanks for checking in with me, Narrator?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Who?” Mrs. Cake asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rarity?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes Twilight?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think that something… weird… is happening?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you referring to the fact that everyone in town has taken on a mild exhibitionist streak or some other cosmic thing?” Rarity asked, idly tightening a few stitches and adjusting the fit of Twilight’s dress for the Gala. “Because that first one is mostly just because it’s getting close to the end of summer fertility festival.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I don’t want to go to a fertility festival,” Twilight mumbled, blushing profusely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to,” Rarity pointed out idly, brushing Twilight’s hair into position and keeping it set with a tasteful arrangement of decorated pins and clips. “Though I would like to say it isn’t just a debauched festival of public sex and perversion. It’s actually mostly just ponies running around naked and playing games, throwing seeds, farming, etc etc… I mean, yes there is public sex but it’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>ubiquitous</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...promise me you’ll protect me?” Twilight asked in a small voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rarity sighed, gently patting Twilight’s shoulder. “Of course, dear. Though, come to think of it- I actually think the Festival starts the day of the Grand Galloping Gala, so if we leave early enough we won’t even have to deal with that many couples.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh thank Celestia,” the purple unicorn sighed, putting her hand on her chest. “I was getting worried...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know dear, I think you honestly </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> go to a therapist to help deal with your aversion to sex,” Rarity murmured, pursing her lips and walking around so she could look Twilight in the eyes. “I understand being uncomfortable with public displays of affection, and generally preferring intimacy in private, controlled settings, but you genuinely seem sickened by sexual acts and I don’t think I’m very well equipped to handle that sort of trauma- or any, really. I’m a seamstress, not a therapist.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I knowwww,” Twilight moaned, “I keep meaning to, but I also keep forgetting... I really should, but...” She waved her hand. “...I’ll just bill Cadance when I get around to it, I think...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... Well, as long as you actually have it planned,” Rarity muttered, then paused, “Also, you never actually answered if that weird feeling you were getting was because of the naked ponies wandering around or from something a bit more cosmic in nature.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh right,” Twilight remembered. “Yeah, pretty sure that was a cosmic disturbance - it felt like something... anticipatory, even?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm… anticipatory in a good way or a bad way? Because if it’s in a bad way, I may need to modify all of our Gala dresses so we can at least run around easier,” Rarity hummed, idly pulling out a measuring tape and holding it against Twilight’s legs. “Shouldn’t be too hard… a few hidden slits and maybe shorten the length just a tad…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I can’t tell,” Twilight murmured, brow furrowing. “But you should modify them anyway, just in case... I have a sneaking suspicion Ikari is involved.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, she does seem to get into a little bit of everything these days, doesn’t she?” Rarity nodded, already starting to re-tailor Twilight’s dress whilst the other mare was still wearing it. “Hold still, would you dear? I’d rather not nick you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Holding!” Twilight squeaked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for coming along with me, Rainbow,” Fluttershy mentioned idly as the two of them walked through the outskirts of the Everfree forest- usually Fluttershy would be a little too nervous about getting lost or attacked by some horrible creature, but with Rainbow Dash at her side it was much easier for her to concentrate on finding the things she needed. “I really appreciate it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No problem, Shy,” Dash shrugged, cracking her knuckles. “So, why are we here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh! I just need to gather some herbs and plants,” Fluttershy answered easily, smiling at Rainbow Dash’s bravado as she hefted the basket in her hands. “They grow a bit deeper in the forest than I usually go, so I don’t usually get to replenish my stores as much as I’d like…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rainbow deflated. “...Oh. I thought I had to fight something for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, you might… Sometimes there’s creatures in the Everfree that roam out a little farther than usual,” Fluttershy mentioned, shuddering a bit at the thought of being hunted by some kind of horrible monster. “A-and um… there is that witchy lady deeper in… I-I’ve seen her prowling about sometimes in the shadows, but she’s never done anything except watch me…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... How’d you know that’s a </span>
  <em>
    <span>she</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Rainbow asked, raising her eyebrow at Fluttershy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She has boobs bigger than mine,” Fluttershy answered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Yeah, that’d do it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rainbow thought for a moment. “Wait, you’ve seen the witch? And not immediately fainted or something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-well, the first time I saw her, I just hid beneath a bush until she left…” Fluttershy blushed, clearing her throat and looking away. “A-and then the next few times I had Mister Fluffy with me to keep me safe…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Mister Fluffy?” Rainbow asked, raising her eyebrow. “What, like, a squirrel or something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh heavens no, Mister Fluffy is that manticore I helped on the way to the old castle during the Nightmare Moon fiasco,” Fluttershy answered, waving off Rainbow Dash’s shocked face as if confronting a literal manticore was somehow less scary than talking to another person.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pegasus finally snickered after a long pause. “...Never change, Flutters. Never change.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fluttershy smiled, giggling a bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of them continued on into the forest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Sooooo.. nice place you got here,” Siesta mentioned idly, looking around Zecora’s hut in the Everfree Forest. “Nice and homey, a little spooky but I guess that’s normal if you’re living in a cursed forest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A home it is, if only for me. Though I would admit it should have been only temporary,” Zecora answered, idly bustling around the interior of the hut, restocking her shelves from the ingredients she’d gathered the other day. “Ponyville is where I would like to stay, but the ponies only wish me to go away.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta blinked. “Wait, why? It isn’t because you’re black, is it? You never know with a hick town...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... I am striped, not black, as far as coat color goes. No, it is simply fear of the forest that is the source of my woes,” Zecora answered, waving her hand irritably and rolling her eyes. “Ponyville is a hick town, in your own words, but it is the danger of the Everfree that spooks their herds. That I emerge from the depths but once a month is my own fault, but alas it is the easiest place to try to buy salt.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Okay so I get that they’re a bunch of easily terrified hicks who get nightmares about living next to a cursed forest but you seriously only come out to buy salt?” Siesta asked, raising her eyebrow at Zecora as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “... Well, I guess everywhere else is way farther away than Ponyville.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Indeed they are, and yes that is true. It is salt that I lack, though I’ve still made do,” Zecora shrugged, idly picking up and waving an empty salt shaker in Siesta’s direction. “I would still appreciate being able to buy it, though. Bland tasting food is an irritating foe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fair,” Siesta agreed. “Hey, want me to talk to those hicks for you? I’m supposed to be making friends with some of these by royal order, so we’re acquainted...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you would do so I’d be much obliged, but I will not force you if you are not inclined,” Zecora responded, nodding gratefully in Siesta’s direction before pausing and furrowing her brow. “Hm. I do not think that rhyme was one of my best, it seems as though I may require some rest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Wait so that’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> a natural thing?” Siesta asked incredulously.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would rhyming words be a natural thing? It is simply a choice I made when my order took me under their wing,” Zecora explained, chuckling a bit. “Rhyming couplets is the distinction of my coven, to speak without is to be seen as a sloven.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...the place is already so goddamn weird,” Siesta muttered. “Stranger things are natural here, you know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Truly, stranger things are natural indeed, but rhyming couplets every sentence is a skill one needs to feed,” Zecora shrugged, still chuckling a bit as she picked up a rake from beside the door and headed outside. “Now excuse me for my lack of hospitality, but my vegetable patch has need of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <span>“I’ll come with you,” Siesta offered. “Nothing better to do, and I wanna watch the </span>
  <em>
    <span>show</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” She waggled her eyebrows for emphasis.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Various Characters Appear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You know, I’m starting to feel a bit cooped up in here,” Trixie mentioned idly to Luna as she combed her hair and affixed her hat firmly in place. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful living here and not having to budget whether or not I need to pencil in more performances in order to buy food for the month, but I do somewhat miss traveling around and performing my shows. The ponies around here really don’t appreciate a mare of my talents, though…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The princess hummed. “Tis been a while since I last saw the landscape as a simple traveler,” she mused. “Do you wish to go on a trip? I am coming with, of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm… I’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>like</span>
  </em>
  <span> to, but I need some new material for my shows- as much as I like the classic acts, the whole Ursa Major story is… done to death, really,” Trixie shrugged, reviewing her extensive list of stories and plotlines that she’d crafted for her traveling shows. “I may need to go more theatrical with it- those idiots back in Ponyville almost thought it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> when I went there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trixie paused, then tilted her head, “Or at least, they were gullible enough to think I was intentionally lying to them when that snooty bitch Twilight yelled at me. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever get over how </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span> smart people can be.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mayhaps I can help with that as well,” Luna pondered. “Star Beasts are creatures I know well. Have I told you of the time I tamed the Canis Major?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so, but why don’t you tell me anyway?” Trixie spun around in her seat and leaned forward, smiling widely with a notepad in her hands. “Oh, traveling with a companion is something I’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> thought of before… this opens up so many opportunities!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luna grinned, taking a pose. “So, this was many a moon ago, when I was still young, still cocksure...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Twilight,” Celestia spoke calmly, sipping from her cup of tea as she sat cross legged before her student.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-yes Princess Celestia?” Twilight immediately asked, jumping to attention and trembling nervously. “What can I do for you? Do you need more tea? More cushions? More snacks?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Calm down,” Celestia answered, patting the seat beside her. “Come, sit. You don’t have to go through all this effort to please me, you know. Be your own person- I’ve plenty of people back in Canterlot whose job it actually is to serve me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight sat, still vibrating faintly. “But Princess...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“None of that,” Celestia chided Twilight gently, tapping the smaller mare’s horn and tittering. “You’re my beloved student, Twilight. Just seeing you learning new and exciting things is pleasure enough for me. And besides, if I’d wanted the perfection and luxury of the palace, I would have stayed there, no?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I... guess,” Twilight allowed. “But it just feels so... so...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand,” Celestia sighed, patting Twilight’s head and drawing her student into a warm, tight, comfortable hug. “You’ve grown so much in so little time- not that there isn’t so much more to learn, but I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>so proud</span>
  </em>
  <span> of you, my little Twilight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"...I have gotten a therapist," Twilight mumbled into the hug. "Cadance is paying." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I noticed," Celestia laughed. "I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>still </span>
  </em>
  <span>proud of you, perhaps even more right now." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight tilted her head upwards, blushing a bit at the fact that her snout had been firmly buried into Celestia’s bosom for a moment before looking up at her mentor with a questioning gaze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not easy to ask for help,” Celestia answered Twilight’s silent question, shifting around a bit so she could hold Twilight in her lap. “In fact, most ponies say it’s the hardest thing you could ever do- after all, the urge to do everything yourself, either because you fear rejection or want to prove yourself, is strong, isn’t it? Indeed, even I’m guilty of it- moreso than most, for fairly obvious reasons. But actually asking for help, even if it’s something as simple as going to therapy… it speaks wonders for your strength of character.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Rarity kind of browbeat me into it," Twilight confessed, looking away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Celestia chuckled, stroking Twilight’s hair and smiling a bit. “Sometimes we need a little help, even when it comes to asking for help in the first place.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I... Kind of want to put that in a friendship letter,” Twilight admitted. “But you’re already here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could always send one next week,” Celestia suggested lightly, continuing to stroke Twilight’s hair with a happy smile. “But I am glad that you’re getting therapy. As much as the rhetoric around it says that therapy is only for the mentally ill, I’ve often found that everyone should get therapy at least once in a while.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When was the last time you had any?” Twilight blurted out, before covering her mouth in horrified shock. “I- I mean-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Celestia laughed, clear and loud like a bell, shoulders shaking and eyes squinting closed with her mirth. “Oh Twilight, you always have the most amusing questions!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She cleared her throat and opened her eyes again, then blushed and looked away. “It has… been a touch longer than I probably should have waited. Just er… just shy of a century, I think.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Do you need me to suggest someone...?” Twilight asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm- oh, no, it’s fine Twilight, I’m more than capable of finding my own resources,” Celestia shook her head, letting her mane flare out in the invisible solar wind that kept it flowing. “Thank you, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Can I have a hug?” Twilight asked in an even smaller voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Celestia only smiled, and enveloped Twilight in a tight, warm hug like the warmth of a summer’s day, wings flaring out around the two like a feathery cocoon. “Of course, my dearest student. You only ever need to ask.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>High, high up in the clouds above Canterlot Castle, a dragon maid was lying on a cloud. Prodding it. Tampering with it. Preparing a truly devastating prank on Celestia.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y’know, you’d probably have a lot more success with this thing if you weren’t the </span>
  <em>
    <span>only cloud</span>
  </em>
  <span> for miles around,” Rainbow Dash spoke up, rolling her eyes at Siesta as she flew over and landed next to said maid. “Like, really, c’mon. At least wait for the weather team to haul in today’s batch of farmland rainclouds. Jeez.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta just grinned, turning to face the pegasus. “Ah, Dashie. Right on schedule, I see... Good. Phase one is already complete.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rainbow suddenly looked a lot less confident.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I don’t think I’m gonna like where this is going,” she muttered, slowly backing away from Siesta with a worried look on her face. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span> tell me you’re not trying to supercharge a fluffy decoration cloud into a full blown storm cell.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta blinked. “What? Oh, right, that. Hey, great idea! Do you want this one? I just realized I have something else to do elsewhere.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... I- uh, no?” Rainbow blinked in surprise, backing away from the cloud slowly. “Wait- where are you-?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta vanished.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cloud… continued to sit there. Drifting in the light breeze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rainbow Dash idly poked it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cloud… did nothing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rainbow Dash frowned. “... Did she seriously prank me with a freakin’ paranoia joke?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cloud exploded, letting out an earth shattering crack of thunder as Rainbow was pelted by a thousand fluffy bits of errant water vapor, flinging her back ass over tea kettle until she landed on a nearby rooftop with a light thud.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... Owww…. nope… nevermind, fucking flashbang clouds….” Rainbow groaned, rubbing her ringing ears as she shook off the disorientation. “Craaaaaap, now my hearing’s gonna be all wonky for a while…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” somebody asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah,” Dash groaned. “Sorry for landing on your roof or something....”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s not my roof,” the voice chuckled. “Nice recovery tho, kid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rainbow blinked. That voice sounded familiar.... She looked over, and yelped. “S-Spitfire! Ma’am! I didn’t-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ease on up, kid, I’m neither your boss nor on duty,” Spitfire chuckled, helping Rainbow up and giving her an appraising look. “You handle yourself pretty well, all things considered- Hey, you’re the one who keeps sending all those applications every couple months aren’t you? Rainbow Dash?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Er- yeah? I mean, I never really hear back from you guys after I send ‘em in, so I just kinda figured that I didn’t make the cut,” Rainbow muttered, looking away awkwardly and rubbing her arm. “Er- wait, how’d you know my name anyway?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kid. You are the single pegasus mare on the planet with a natural six tone rainbow mane,” Spitfire deadpanned. “I know. I’ve checked. That, and your applications all have your ID photo on them, remember?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Fair enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Grinning, Spitfire patted Rainbow on the shoulder. "So! Have an encounter with the local most annoying dragon, did you?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"...There's a list of those?" Rainbow asked back, then paused and cleared her throat. “So um… why do my applications keep getting rejected anyway?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just Spike and that maid lady, but yeah,” Spitfire nodded, then crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow at Rainbow, looking rather unimpressed. “And the reason why we reject your application is because you keep writing down your top speed as </span>
  <em>
    <span>just over mach four.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rainbow blinked. “I mean, yeah? Sure, I haven’t measured it in a few months, but...” She suddenly looked worried. “It’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> slow, is it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“....”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spitfire blinked, then actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>processed</span>
  </em>
  <span> what Rainbow was saying. “... You’re shitting me. Kid, mach four is a speed that’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>not supposed to be physically possible</span>
  </em>
  <span> for Pegasi. Even </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> have trouble hitting </span>
  <em>
    <span>mach two</span>
  </em>
  <span> and I’m the fastest damn flier in the Wonderbolts. So you’ll have to excuse me when I say that </span>
  <em>
    <span>there’s no way in Equestria you can go mach four.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rainbow blinked. “...I’m the one who did the Sonic Rainboom years back,” she pointed out. “That’s mach five. The only reason I keep putting down mach four is because I haven’t managed to recreate it yet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... That’s some bullshit you’re talking right now,” Spitfire deadpanned, then sighed and pulled out a speed finder from her pocket and pointed it at Rainbow, drawing a tiny green dot on the other mare’s chest for emphasis. “So I’m gonna need you to back up your words and prove it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Here?" Rainbow checked. "Practically in the middle of Canterlot?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spitfire shrugged. "Eh, what are the stuffy nobles gonna do, complain? To me? Bitch I'm Spitfire. Let them. Now, are you going to back up your words, kid?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rainbow straightened her back, saluting. "Yes ma'am!" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She took off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Straight up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spitfire </span>
  <em>
    <span>stared, </span>
  </em>
  <span>eyes wide open in sheer awe as Rainbow Dash began to climb higher and higher, the speed finder in her hands barely able to even keep track as the numbers displayed on its surface rose higher and higher and-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A colossal </span>
  <em>
    <span>BOOM</span>
  </em>
  <span> echoed over Ponyville as Rainbow Dash broke the sound barrier, echoing and shrieking as the mare looped around at dizzying speeds, as if the laws of physics no longer applied to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mach one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mach two.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mach three.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mach four…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... Celestia’s shining pubes what the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Spitfire whispered to herself, taking a step back as her speed finder chimed in an </span>
  <em>
    <span>impossible </span>
  </em>
  <span>mach 4.85, right as Rainbow came down in a dive and halted before her in an instant, nevermind the G-forces that should have shattered her entire skeleton from such a quick stop. “How the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> did you do that!?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How fast was I?!” Rainbow asked excitedly instead, peering at the speed finder. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>felt</span>
  </em>
  <span> faster than usual! How fast how fast how fast?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Just under mach 4.9 in a dive…” Spitfire replied faintly, holding out the speed finder and projecting the results on the screen. “... You really weren’t lying… holy </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The prismatic pegasus pumped her fist. “Yes! A new record!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Send in another application,” Spitfire finally spoke up after a few moments, clasping a hand on Rainbow’s shoulder. “I’ll personally approve it. With how maneuverable you were up there even after hitting mach 4, there’s no way in hell I’m letting talent like that slip by- you er, don’t have any prior commitments do you? I heard something about the Elements of Harmony showing up here…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rainbow blinked. "...Does boot camp actually take precedence over saving the world when another Nightmare Moon or something pops up?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"...Yeah, okay, send the application," Spitfire nodded. "No, seriously. Do it. I beg you." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Will do!” Rainbow nodded and gave Spitfire a cheery thumbs up after a moment’s deliberation, then paused and pulled out a notepad and pencil. “O-oh! And um, er… could I get your autograph?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spitfire rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure." </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Plotlines Appear Before Their Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, I’d have had a lot more sympathy for your story if you hadn’t just tried to brainwash us and steal our Cutie Marks,” Trixie deadpanned as she and Luna stood in the remnants of what had once been Starlight Glimmer’s house, the pink mare hogtied on the ground before them and trembling with fear. “I mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I get it. You lose your one and only friend in the world because some cosmic force drags him along on his destiny, and now you want to prevent that from happening to anyone else. Sure. Wonderful, we’ve all been there at some point in our lives, usually as idiot children in a backwater village- but, Starlight, honey, dear, child, did you ever consider WRITING A FUCKING LETTER!?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I DID!” the mare shot back, tears brimmin in the corners of her eyes. “I did, and I never got anything back! I </span>
  <em>
    <span>tried</span>
  </em>
  <span> and it didn’t work!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“With the Equestrian Postal Service being what it is, I’m not at all surprised,” Luna pointed out. “Way I hear tell, a letter could arrive anywhere between twenty years early to a thousand years late. Did I tell you about the package I got a few days ago? </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Filly’s First Heat: A Mare’s Guide To Life’s Embarrassing Moments.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Tia ordered it when I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>thirteen!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... Okay, let’s unpack how in the fresh hell </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> possible later and go back to the issue at hand,” Trixie deadpanned, suddenly wishing she didn’t have ears for a few moments as she pinched her brow. “You do realize that forcing everyone under your banner and stealing their Cutie Marks is pretty much the same as the thing you were trying to prevent, right? How many of these people had </span>
  <em>
    <span>families</span>
  </em>
  <span> or </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends</span>
  </em>
  <span> that you stole them from just to satisfy your insatiable crusade? And before you tell me that all of them came willingly- one of them has a Cutie Mark for </span>
  <em>
    <span>skiing</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you know. There’s literally no way he’d come out to live in a fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>desert.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...They all came to this village willingly,” Starlight tried.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why is the town abandoned now?” Luna deadpanned, motioning at the mostly demolished town around them, completely abandoned after a mild riot, some loud civil disturbances, and literally everyone running away towards the nearest train station. “Surely, if they were here willingly, they would have stayed?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"...I got nothing," Starlight admitted, head down. "Are you..." She swallowed. "Are you going to execute me now?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, as much as that technically </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> have been the appropriate punishment for someone like you a thousand years ago, Tia disapproves of such things now,” Luna deadpanned, hauling Starlight up onto her hooves with a disapproving frown. “So I’m going to do something much, </span>
  <em>
    <span>much</span>
  </em>
  <span> worse to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trixie frowned, looking over at Luna as an expression of horrified realization slowly came to her face. “... No, you don’t mean-?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. I do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luna’s expression was grim, an ominous portent of what was to come… or at least, it was until the two of them started snickering like a pair of idiots.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Twilight is going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate</span>
  </em>
  <span> this,” Trixie giggled, already imagining the look on the snooty bookworm’s face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Indeed, but given that she is the only appropriate authority on the magic of friendship at the moment, it’s the only place Starlight can go,” Luna grinned, tearing open a portal in reality and tossing Starlight through, along with a quickly penned note detailing Starlight’s various crimes against Equestria- or really, just the two, since forming an isolated town or a cult wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>technically</span>
  </em>
  <span> illegal, but the brainwashing and cutie mark stealing most definitely was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So!” Trixie declared, clapping her hands together. “Where next? We could cross the mountains to the north and head to Rainbow Falls from here, or we could head east and cross the Channel towards the Griffinlands or Peaks of Peril. What do you think?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It has been some time since I have seen the Griffins,” Luna mentioned, rubbing her chin as she consulted the map of Equestria that she retrieved from her fanny pack. “Wait… what are the Peaks of Peril? I don’t recall a name like that existing before my exile.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Some mountain range that supposedly has some mysterious mythical ponies living on it," Trixie waved. "Actually, we might go there anyway - could make for a good story to tell afterwards..." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mythical ponies…? What, are they half dragon?” Luna asked, raising an eyebrow at Trixie with a dry chuckle, only to go silent as the other mare coughed awkwardly into her hand. “... They actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> half dragon aren’t they?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Supposedly, yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... What </span>
  <em>
    <span>happened</span>
  </em>
  <span> in the thousand years that I’ve been gone!?” Luna exclaimed in exasperation, letting out a heavy groan of confusion. “Dragon ponies didn’t exist a thousand years ago!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"If you hear Siesta talk, ponies didn't use to be this horny either," Trixie pointed out, "so it's probably her fault somewhere down the line." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Considering she often speaks about accidentally rewriting reality with her soul…” Luna sighed and palmed her face, grumbling a bit. “Wonderful. Oh well, let’s go see the dragon ponies. Maybe we’ll get an idea of exactly what’s changed in the last thousand years or so.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Many things,” Trixie deadpanned. “But yeah let’s go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wakey wakey~” Siesta purred as she knocked on the frozen crystal prison that housed a swirling cloud of dark magic, her tail swishing back and forth as she peered through the clouds within. “Helloooooo~ Sombraaaaa~ Are you in theeeerrreee~?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something hissed in the darkness. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“A voice... It sssspeaks to me...”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Unless there’s another Sombra out there? Yeah,” Siesta replied immediately, seizing on the opportunity. “Actually, yes there is. There a latina hacker in there?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The voice hissed louder, a black furred hand slamming into the crystal wall that separated the former King of the Crystal Empire from the wider world. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“An </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>annoyance…” </em>
  </b>
  <span>the thing continued hissing, malevolent green and purple eyes appearing moments later, above which sat a curved, crimson horn, below which sat… pouty lips and full lashes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And below that, a set of bare, black furred breasts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And below </span>
  <em>
    <span>that,</span>
  </em>
  <span> a naked, swinging horse dong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Wait what the-” Siesta blinked and rubbed her eyes, staring up and down at the </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> feminine form before her. “... I thought you were a buff hunky stallion of a </span>
  <em>
    <span>King</span>
  </em>
  <span>??? What, did you have a transgender realization while you were locked away in the ice for a thousand years?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“.... Obviously.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh,” Siesta opined. “Well, I’m about the furthest to judge, I think a few cousins of mine are trans, and gods that sounds a bit prejudiced, doesn’t it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Indeed...,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sombra hissed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“What do you </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>want, Annoyance?</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I was going to annoy you a whole bunch but honestly staring at your naked body is making me all hot and bothered so would you mind terribly if I free you and then we fuck for a while?” Siesta asked idly, tracing a fingertip along the icy wall and chipping away a few slivers of ice. “I’ve always wondered what it’s like to get a pony dick up my butt… or at least, I started wondering when Luna broke out the strapon the other night…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sombra tilted her head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"You cavort with the accursed Princesses... And you would free me just for sex? What do you hope to </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>gain </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>from this, </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>dragon?" </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ideally, another member for the polycule,” Siesta replied bluntly. “You’re hot, and you seem to be a lot more interesting than the history books depict you. So, y’know. Consider me interested.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a long pause. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You are a very peculiar being, </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>dragon,</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>" </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sombra finally hissed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"Very well, I accept. What now?", </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Weeeelll….” Siesta tapped her fingers against the ice once more, looking around before snapping her fingers, their surroundings abruptly shifting back to Princess Luna’s bedchambers in Canterlot. “I’ll introduce you to my girlfriends later, if you actually wanna join the polycule, but for now we can just make a </span>
  <em>
    <span>mess~”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sombra looked around in disbelief. "...Should I have called you </span>
  <em>
    <span>draconequus</span>
  </em>
  <span> instead?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She found a finger on her lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Shh, shh-shh-shhshh... No exposition," Siesta whispered. "Only screams now-" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And that's enough of that!" Pinkie declared. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fluttershy blinked and tilted her head, wondering what Pinkie was talking about. “... Um.. we’re only halfway through feeding my animals… but if you have to leave-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh no no no, not that, silly! There was something going on that we couldn’t dare show, so I had to pull the narration away before it got </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> too spicy!” Pinkie declared, waving off Fluttershy’s concerns before returning to the backbreaking task of helping make sure all of Fluttershy’s animal friends were fed and watered. “Y’know, like the kind of spicy that happens when I invite you over for sausage and egg muffins with plenty of sticky cream filling!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... I know that’s a euphemism, but the actual muffins were pretty good too,” Fluttershy murmured, licking her lips a bit. “Very savory.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"That's the idea!" Pinkie grinned. "Now where were we?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Um, you were about to tell me what exactly was going on with the narrative," Fluttershy offered timidly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Oh yeah!" Pinkie chirped, before blinking. "Waaaait a minute, no I wasn't! Are you trying to </span>
  <em>
    <span>con </span>
  </em>
  <span>information out of me, Flut-ter-</span>
  <em>
    <span>shy?" </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pegasus smiled shyly. "Daring Do did it like that," she offered. "I, um, I thought I would try..." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, in that case, Siesta’s getting boned real hard by a dark magic entity that we were </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to fight a long while from now but I guess the power of HRT and tight dragon pussy are all you need to reform most villains these days,” Pinkie spoke as if she were actually explaining the situation, instead of just making more questions along the way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Although, when Fluttershy thought back to the whole... Nightmare Moon thing... that kind of explained a lot. “...Isn’t dark magic... dangerous?” she asked just in case anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For us, yes, for a chaos dragon…” Pinkie thought about it some. “Eh, she’ll be fine. Though if Canterlot suddenly explodes in a giant pink rainbow-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A deafening BOOM echoed out over the mountains, as if on cue, sending a wave of pink energy flaring out over the sky for a few brief moments before fading out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“- like that- well, that’s another villain turned not evil anymore through the power of sex!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pinkie paused and tapped her chin. “... Actually now that I think about it, I’m starting to wonder if there’s a secret competition between Siesta and Twilight to see who can reform the most villains.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Twilight is in the running?” Fluttershy asked, before shrinking in on herself. “Oh... I’m sorry, this came out mean... I’m sorry...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pinkie giggled, clapping Fluttershy on the back with a loud snort. “Naaaahh, don’t worry about it! I mean, yeah, Twilight’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> behind right now but it’s only two to… kinda a half? That Starlight lady mostly just kinda needs to relearn how not to be a meanie pants and also believe in friendship again… so… y’know. She’s not doing too bad. But I guess she’s not… </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> a villain?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pinkie paused, then frowned. “I mean, Princess Luna </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> call her a criminal and she </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> do some bad stuff, but it’s not like she- well, okay, she did kinda enslave a whole town… Hrm… I guess she </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> a villain? But like, just a nasty pony instead of like… ‘ooo, all of Equestria will tremble, ooo~’ kinda, y’know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fluttershy was quiet for a long moment. "W-we could help," she offered. "Y-you know, just f-for a change..." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Oh yeah, we’ve all kinda been doing our own things, huh?” Pinkie mumbled, scratching her head a bit. “Let’s go throw Starlight a party! I mean, we already did when she showed up, but let’s throw her another one for her progress!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The animals </span>
  <em>
    <span>first,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Fluttershy reminded her friend. Sternly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would like to say that I’m disappointed, but considering that you neutralized a threat that could have overtaken all of Equestria before it could even </span>
  <em>
    <span>begin</span>
  </em>
  <span> to happen… I suppose I can only be thankful for that. Even if I would have rather not had to listen to you two </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking next to my room</span>
  </em>
  <span> for the better part of twenty six hours,” Celestia deadpanned, groaning into the palm of her hand and looking vaguely disheveled- comparatively speaking of course, the Princess never looked anything other than immaculate unless she chose to look that way, or if something was extremely wrong. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The bags under her eyes were an excellent application of makeup, though.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Look on the bright side," Siesta chirped. "At least I wasn't going for a Family Record." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Celestia suddenly looked faintly worried. "...How long is that, again?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Current holder is great-grandma and great-grandpa, or Yui Ikari and Gendo Rokobungi, at two hundred and twenty six hours," Siesta answered without batting an eye. "Why?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... How do you not die of dehydration by that point…. or lack of sleep?” Celestia muttered, slightly taken aback by the ridiculous number Siesta had just mentioned. “... Ahem… anyway. Welcome back to sanity, Sombra. It’s… well, I would say it’s good to see you again, but considering that all of our interactions in the past millennia or so have been an increasingly antagonistic series of unfortunate events thanks to your hereditary schizophrenia and undiagnosed sociopathy as well as your strange obsession with enslaving others to mine crystals… well. I suppose I can only be glad that you’ve managed to return to your senses.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would say that it’s good to be back, but also fuck you,” the formerly King now throneless Queen Sombra muttered, crossing her arms and raising a pointed middle finger at Celestia. “So. Fuck you for locking me in an enchanted shell of ice for a thousand fucking years.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See? We’re all </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends</span>
  </em>
  <span> again!” Siesta gushed, in a tone that sounded genuine, but wearing a grin that clearly suggested otherwise. “Now hug!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather go back to sucking dick for the next three days,” Sombra deadpanned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I would rather do literally anything else,” Celestia answered at the same time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of them stared at each other for a long moment, then immediately both stormed off in opposite directions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“....Right,” Siesta pondered. “Now, do I wanna go find Discord’s statue... no, on the second thought I don’t wanna fuck Discord. Wonder what Luna’s doing...”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Okay, There's Pretty Much Mostly Sex In This One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Well, I hope getting some dragon pussy was worth it,” Trixie deadpanned idly, extinguishing a flame burning in her hair as the two of them stared out over what used to be an amazingly lush exotic rainforest in the mountains.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It still </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but there was also a giant fire dragon pony thing currently cumming its brains out and setting everything on fire. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I couldn’t have known </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> was going to happen, and it’s not like I’ve ever been expected </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> to indulge in the nubile mares throwing themselves at me like I’m their personal goddess,” Luna deadpanned, wiping off the newly magic’d dong between her legs and cleaning out the patches of singed fur dotting her body. “Which, to be fair, I literally </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span>. One of two, but Celly’s always been more… </span>
  <em>
    <span>selective</span>
  </em>
  <span>… about her conquests.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Fair point, I suppose,” Trixie sighed, rubbing her brow as she discreetly wiped her mouth and buttoned up her shirt, paying no attention to the </span>
  <em>
    <span>other</span>
  </em>
  <span> giant fire pony that had spawned from the same cottage as the first. “... We’re not telling Siesta about this, are we? I get the feeling we’re never going to live it down.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no we are not,” Luna shook her head, wincing a bit as the two ponies calmed down after a few minutes and shrank back down. “Note to self, don’t use the Mega Womb Blaster 9000 technique on the ponies that turn into raging fire beasts in the midst of intense emotion.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Oh is </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> what that’s called?” Trixie snarked, rolling her eyes at Luna’s horrible naming sense. “I can’t believe that’s how you name your sexual techniques, honestly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Siesta asked idly, poking her head into the frame. “Even </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> have my patented Womb Slayer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>hush,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Trixie hissed, flashing crimson. She then paused. “...Wait. Siesta?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yuh huh?” the dragon replied lightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...How long have you been here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The maid tilted her head, considering. “Came in mid-sentence,” she admitted. “Wait, are you asking how much I heard? Because that’s all of it. For the most part. I did tell you the Family is capable of sensing the Narrative, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I see. Well,” Luna cleared her throat awkwardly and twiddled her thumbs, then magic’d her clothes back on- what little hadn’t been burnt to a crisp, that is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Which ended up being her tiara and a thong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trixie wasn’t staring. Nope. She’d seen Luna naked more than she’d seen Luna clothed by this point.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the thong </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> highlight her bubble butt rather nicely…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... So you guys wanna go bang? I brought in another member for the polycule by the way,” Siesta mentioned idly, reaching behind a nearby narrative structure and pulling Sombra into the scene.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wah!” Sombra yelped, stumbling a bit as she went from enjoying her first hot shower </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> to being dripping wet and naked in the middle of the mountains. “Fuck! Where am I and why the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> would you pull me out of the shower!?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the- Is that </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sombra?!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Luna yelped. “Siesta, what in Tartarus did you </span>
  <em>
    <span>do!?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to just leave Sombra in there and maybe piss ‘em off for a while… and then she showed up naked and waving her titties and giant dong in my face so I decided I </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> to try it,” Siesta explained flippantly, whilst Sombra flash dried herself with a burst of black, smoky magic and wrapped a towel around her torso. Not that it did anything to hide the knee length third leg hanging below said towel. “Turns out, she’s surprisingly nice once you fuck all the evil and psychopathy out of her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I hate you and I am going to break your asshole for calling me </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Sombra deadpanned dryly, raising her middle finger at Siesta. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And a tsundere,” Siesta acknowledged. “Can’t forget that part.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Slowly. Painfully. Break. Your. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Asshole</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Sombra hissed, raising her other middle finger at Siesta.</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>Luna just nodded, then shrugged, accepted Siesta’s chaotic actions, rolled her eyes, and then shamelessly grabbed Sombra’s ass with a sultry wink. “Well then, welcome to the polycule, dearest sister~ I hope you have a long, </span><em><span>hard, </span></em><b><em>throbbing,</em></b> <span>time of it~”</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re all fucking insane,” Sombra grumbled. “Not that I like any of you or anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Baka,” Siesta added, grinning like a loon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“-and that’s why I’ve decided to start visiting instead of having you come back over,” Celestia finished dryly, stirring her tea and shuddering a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Yeah, having to listen to an orgy all day sounds… terrible,” Twilight shook her head, curling up against Celestia’s side and sighing a bit. “Hm, though, I do have to wonder about the logistics of it all… a trans mare and three mares capable of magically creating a functioning penis- who tops?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I see </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> therapy has been paying off,” Celestia deadpanned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It has!” Twilight grinned, giggling a bit. “It’s actually quite nice, being able to work through my issues with a therapist. I can actually think about sex without freezing up and being overwhelmed with nausea now!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused and cleared her throat. “Still not very interested in </span>
  <em>
    <span>having</span>
  </em>
  <span> sex yet, but that’s fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I'm proud of you," Celestia said, and meant it. "But can we not talk about my sister's... </span>
  <em>
    <span>nightlife?" </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Isn't it more of a daylife?" Twilight wondered. "You know, since, she's nocturnal and, and..." She quailed under Celestia's unamused stare. "...And I'll shut up now, right?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Celestia </span>
  <em>
    <span>sighed</span>
  </em>
  <span>, “I suppose I can only blame myself for teaching you wordplay… still. Let’s avoid my sister’s… proclivities… for now. Tell me, how have your friends been doing?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Twilight awkwardly scratched the back of her neck. "Well, uh. Most of them have kind of been walking on eggshells around me ever since I told them why I was going to therapy?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Celestia narrowed her eyes. "Why?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The unicorn blushed. "Er. Turns out their sex lives are kind of a lot more active than I ever suspected? I think they're trying to not agitate my traumas, which is kind of sweet if you think about it..." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Princess relaxed. "I can only suggest talking to them," she advised. "Communication, I've recently learned, is key here. Now, which ones did you say were not walking on eggshells?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Mostly just Starlight and Rarity," Twilight admitted. "Rarity's the one who finally gave me the push I needed to actually go to the therapist in the first place, and Starlight is..." she hesitated. "Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Starlight." </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not so stuck up that you can’t just call her a bitch,” Celestia chuckled, knowing </span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly</span>
  </em>
  <span> how Starlight usually acted from Twilight’s myriad letters complaining about the pink mare. “But I digress. You really should talk to them- find a balance that you can all be comfortable with. Good communication is the key to all good friendships, after all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You already said that, Princess,” Twilight pointed out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It bears repeating,” Celestia shrugged with a wry smile. “So, with that said, let’s change the subject- how are your other studies coming along? Have you been reading the journals I sent you the other day? I’m told they contain some </span>
  <em>
    <span>quite</span>
  </em>
  <span> interesting research in the more esoteric uses of elemental evocation.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Already read them,” Twilight responded. “First thing when I got them.” She paused. “...Princess, are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure</span>
  </em>
  <span> you sent the correct journals? It’s just that... It looked a lot like, well, something Princess Luna would appreciate a lot more...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“.... Well, I may not have pre-read all of them beforehand, so if there’s anything… ah… </span>
  <em>
    <span>lewd</span>
  </em>
  <span> in there, that was my mistake,” Celestia cleared her throat a bit and shrugged. “But yes, those should be the correct journals, I pulled them from the library and packed them myself.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I didn’t say I </span>
  <em>
    <span>minded,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Twilight muttered, blushing. “It’s fine if it’s in a book, but...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’ll be sure to proofread any material I send you in the future,” Celestia nodded slightly, patting Twilight’s head gently and sighing. “You’re quite tall now, aren’t you? It feels like just yesterday you were a little filly, barely up to my thigh and still trying to carry a stack of books taller than you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"It </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>yesterday," Twilight groused. "Stupid time magic..." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And that’s why I taught you to never do temporal spells without an appropriate aide with a counterspell on hand,” Celestia smiled indulgently. “I wish you’d learned the lesson the first time around, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...</span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span> no time puns,” Twilight groaned in response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>&lt;&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have the Gala next week,” Siesta suddenly remembered. “Hey Sombra, are you coming too?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Must</span>
  </em>
  <span> I?” Sombra asked dryly, huffing even as she picked a random dress out of Luna’s wardrobe and held it against her naked body, humming and frowning as she examined the proportions. “Luna, why is your chest so small? I can’t steal your clothes if I’m just going to tear through the tops.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> fault that all the nutrients went to my ass instead of making oversized beachballs on my chest,” Luna snorted, rolling her eyes at Sombra and snatching her dress back before flinging it back into the closet. “And stop stealing my shorts. Your giant cock is stretching them all out in the front.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re fucking with Celestia, her student, the student’s friends, and the entirety of Canterlot nobility,” Siesta deadpanned. “I’d have thought you’d be all over that...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>would,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate</span>
  </em>
  <span> parties,” Sombra deadpanned, making a face as she shrugged on a sheer nightgown that did absolutely nothing to hide anything. “Why do you think everyone was miserable when I wore the Crystal Crown?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... Other than the slavery and dictatorship. And the mining camps. And the raging eternal winter.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... And the fact that I may or may not have forced a few mares to be my concubines.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sombra cleared her throat. “Anyway. I hate parties is the point of it. And I would really rather just enjoy the fact that Equestria has actual summers and warmth instead of forcing myself into a stuffy dress for a party I couldn’t care less about.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Siesta thought for a moment. "Hey Luna, do you think it's cruel to leave her alone with Cadenza?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Cruel to her or to Cadenza?" Luna replied dryly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m right here you know,” Sombra deadpanned, glowering at the two of them- though the fact that she was effectively nude save for her silvery crown and a transparent nightgown did little to help her failed intimidation attempt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you are,” Luna noted. “That nightgown doesn’t go with your complexion </span>
  <em>
    <span>at all, </span>
  </em>
  <span>by the way, try one of Tia’s...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bite me,” Sombra grumbled, still glaring at Luna, though she did, at least, change out of the nightgown and into something a bit more flattering for her dark coat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fairly certain all of us got our share of love bites in,” Trixie drawled, idly slapping Sombra’s rear as she walked past and highlighting the numerous hickies scattered all over Sombra’s… everywhere, really.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not that she looked much different. Nor did Siesta or Luna for that matter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“One of these days I will tear out your throat with my teeth,” Sombra sighed, grumbling as she returned the slap with a halfhearted gesture before simply stepping out onto the balcony and sitting in her favored deck chair, bathing herself in the sun without a care as to the fact that she was just barely shy of naked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paid no mind to the six pegasi who immediately fell out of the sky as they flew over the tower moments later.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
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